mortality

I am in really in it right now.

I had a friend die suddenly last week. Her name was Julia. God, it even feels strange to use the past tense there. I knew her from Quaker meeting. She was legally deaf and blind, although with the help of hearing aids and glasses, she could get by. I accompanied her grocery shopping since we lived in the same neighborhood. I enjoyed hanging out with her because it gave me an opportunity to practice my sign language. She was a math major at PSU. 

Of course none of that really describes who she was. 

It's also unclear whether her death was an accident. I suppose it's a mute point, but it only adds to my own confusion. 

I thought I understood death.

I know that we die. Everything dies. That's what gives life meaning-- the fact that it ends. But that's the abstract. I suppose I understand the concept of death.

But there's something infinitely mysterious about how someone can be, and then cease to be.

I'm overwhelmed by the fog of that mystery right now. 

I've been sad. I've cried. I've talked about it.

But now, I'm left with this feeling of nothingness. I'm having a difficult time getting motivated. My energy level is low, and I don't really feel anything. 

That's hard. 

I feel inarticulate. Blogging makes me acutely aware that I am not a writer. 

But I need to get this out of me. And if it's words on a screen, for now that will have to do. 

puppet

*edit: Pictures from Running into walls!!!

Anyone who knows me well enough to know my name, probably knows that I have three main interests:

1) puppets

2) sign-language

3) trapeze

Since arriving in Portland I have found a sign-language conversation partner via craigslist, and taken 

trapeze at DoJump (a Christmas gift from my mother that I was sad to see run out. I'm currently calculating how long it would take me to blow through my savings if I were to start spending it on trapeze...) But, alas my puppet longings were unsatisfied. 

Then I met the good folks at the Nomadic Theater Company, and by meet I mean I sent them an email saying I would lick stamps and build sets and sweep floors and do whatever they needed done. They were happy about this email, and welcomed me heartily. I've been helping them with their current production, Running into Walls, a clown show. I helped build sets, attended rehearsals, etc. 

Then one day I got an email from Sarah asking me to build puppets for their show! There's one short s

cene where their characters are climbing up the empire state building. Since it's a rather low-budge production, they thought it would be rad to have puppet versions of themselves climb the sides of the flat with the empire state building painted on it. Now, I love puppets but I'm pretty new to this interest. Case in point: I'd never built a puppet before. I take that back, I built a really cool puppet in the 4th grade with wire glasses... but that's beside the point. So, anyway I built the puppets (cut out of cardboard, covered in paper mache, and painted). And you want to know the amazing thing? They turned out great! Michael, Heather, and Sarah all loved them and I was pretty excited about it myself. 

And if that weren't enough, through these fine folks, I met the artistic director of the local puppetry theater Tears of Joy, and after sending her my resume on Friday, she emailed back yesterday, and I now have an interview/audition with them on May 7th! Other than the fact that I'm pretty out of practice in the audition department, I am COMPLETELY STOKED about this, especially the possibility that I may be able to pay my rent by playing with puppets instead of paper clips. 

In other news, I am ready for the rain to go away. And, I really don't like to wake up to the house swaying because my room mates are having sex with each other. But that, is an entirely different post altogether.

Hope y'all had a great earth day! 

cherry poppin' post

I moved to Portland December 29th, 2007. 

Since then, I have sublet a room with four of the most kick-ass ladies in stumptown. Found a job. Biked everywhere and at all hours. Taken trapeze on a different coast. Discovered Pho. Been surprised by Mt. Hood, and reminded of the big, big, everything. Started attending Quaker meetings. Hiked with my dog in Forrest Park. Helped my sister pick out her wedding dress. Drank my first Burgerville milkshake. Rented a video from Movie Madness. Bought 3 books from Powell's. Become a bus commuter. Weighed the pros and cons of cupcake jones vs. saint cupcake. Moved once. Got sick off an oyster shooter from the Montage. Painted my room orange. Exchanged a multitude of letters and postcards with my favorite people around the globe. Gotten free acupuncture. Lost 5 pounds. Built puppets for a clown show. Taken a picnic. Jumped in puddles. Registered to vote. 

And I've got to say that after only 4 months, I feel like I live here. 

That's pretty grand.