hey look! my life got awesome!

So, I had been waiting to update until my life took off, but then it took off and I couldn't find time to update! My life is all kinds of AWESOME right now, but I've just got a sec, so bullet points it is!

• I decided to stay in Atlanta. There are lots of rad people here I like (LOVE), and surprisingly, the city is making me happy. It is both familiar and new, and I know the nooks and crannies I like, and am discovering new ones daily.
• I signed a lease. For a perfect little house in Decatur. Rad room mate, lush back yard (quaint gate! koi pond! clothes line!), and a stunning room with a clawfoot bath tub that's mine, all mine. I think it may be my favorite place I've ever lived and I never want to move. Ever.
• I started school. After an ordeal (skills interview, official interview, driving to Athens and getting my college transcript, driving to Fayetteville to get my HIGH SCHOOL transcript -- wtf, by the way, community colleges are weird, requesting my AP scores, and spending a lot of time in a particular waiting room, borrowing money for out of state tuition), I started a Sign Language Interpreting training program a couple of weeks ago at Georgia Perimeter College, and am loving every minute of it (well every minute other than those that keep me up at night feeling like I'm forgetting something). It has been a slightly awkward transition back into student-mode, (seriously? what happened? I used to rock at this!), I'm starting to get my bearings. It helps that my classes and instructors are awesome and I get to totally geek out about Deaf Culture and ASL ALL THE TIME. So thrilled to be starting on this long-term goal.
• I got a JOB. Seriously, the best job of all time. This is the most recent development, and thus the most exciting. I'm working for a company called Big Thinkers that does live hands-on science programs with kids in a variety of settings. Think Bill Nye meets Beakman's World, but in your school assembly, classroom, or birthday party. I get to make slime, bouncy balls, and cotton candy, play with rockets and dry ice, and basically jump around and act like a nut all in the name of getting kids curious and interested in the world around them. I am thrilled to be a part of a company whose mission statement is to make science interesting and accessible to kids! Also, I just happen to have the exact right skills set and experience to deliver some much-needed help on the office end of things. Establishing systems, dealing with contracts and scheduling, etc. and my boss wants me to take over the daily running of the office and management of other performers by as soon as January! Phew! So in addition to being awesome, it's also totally a grown-up job! Score!

So basically, my life is awesome. I am crazy busy, and crazy happy. My momma always taught me that being nice, working hard, and following your dreams pays off, and I am living proof! 

wandering. wondering.

Alrighty, so it’s been exactly a month since my return to the southland, and I still have no idea what I’m doing.

The day I moved here, I called Laura Jean, my dear sister, while taking Scout for our final walk through Portland. I just wanted to see how she was, and let her know that I was super excited to see her. Well, she proceeded to inform me that she and Dave were getting a divorce and she was moving back to NYC come August. They still love each other, and it’s totally amicable blah, blah, blah (she, in fact is living with him in Atlanta until August), he just wants to be in Atlanta, and she wants to be in New York. Okaaaaaaaaaaay. So. I’ve been through all the stages of grief, so I need no consoling, but…

What?!!?!

My plans kind of went ka-bluey when she told me because at that exact moment I realized that 65% of the reason I was indeed moving to the ATL was to be near her. Because she campaigned. Begged. Persuaded. So, that’s it. I’m done following my sister around and we will probably never live in the same town again.

So, now I’m here. Wondering what exactly I’m doing. I had an audition at the Center that went fantastic, but since their season’s set, it was more of a “who’s in town” kind of thing. Meaning, I could potentially get to do a show with them sometime this year, but no guaranteed immediate employment. So, I’ve been crashing with LJ and Dave (in their rather tiny house) most of the last month with intermittent trips to the cabin and Athens. I’ve visited and caught up with so many good friends. Laura Jean and I are actually getting along really well. It’s just been kind of a head trip kind of having no idea what I’m doing, and being in the same geographic space that I was the last time I felt this way (three years ago, after college).

In light of the reality of Atlanta, (memories everywhere—good and bad; HEAT, traffic, LOTS of people…) I’ve been trying to re-evaluate if this is really where I want to land. I’ve good savings, and a set of wheels (ah, yes. I bought a car. ’97 Subaru Outback wagon with only 95k and a few bumps and bruises. Great car. Of course I’ve already put over 2,000 miles on it…) But I could do anything. ANYTHING. This is as exciting as it is debilitating.

I feel confident that it was time for me to move on from both Tears of Joy and from Portland, but where to? Well, I’ve narrowed it down to either Atlanta, or Brattleboro, Vermont. Currently Atlanta has going for it: family, friends (college, friends of family, and childhood friends), familiarity, puppet community, opportunity, good food, CHEAP, and lots of stuff happening. Brattleboro on the other hand: small (13,000 people), BEAUTIFUL, quaint, Deaf school (the Austine School), trapeze school, puppetry, new-ness, a place that could be mine.

It’s pretty close right now. I have some days where I’m totally sold on Atlanta (these days usually involve hanging out with Nina), and others where I’m in love with the possibility of Vermont, a place I’ve dreamed of living since I was 13.

So, I’m knitting a sweater to help me decide. I am project-oriented, so I figure it’ll give my hands something to do while I think things through. It’s coming along quite well, and I’m all kinds of in love with both the pattern and the yarn.

I also told LJ I’d drive her up to New York, so she could take a load of her stuff up (yippee station wagon!) and I could continue on to Vermont and check out Brattleboro and maybe even spend a week or two at Bread and Puppet. We’re currently set to take off around the 11 of August, and I plan to hang out in Vermont at least a week, but maybe until the beginning of September.

So that’s the gist of it. I’m hanging in there, and making things happen. You know, like I do.

my head is exploding. in a good way.

Wow. I am everywhere at once.

Have spent the week being intermittently productive, social, lazy, and emotional. Somehow, I've managed to sell most of my stuff off craigslist, and when all is said and done will have made around $365. Cha-ching! I'd say at this point about 98% of my stuff is packed save some laundry, bedding and toiletries. So glad I moved in October and got rid of so much stuff then!

Scout is vaccinated, and certified as a healthy doggie. Had a minor breakdown Wednesday when I missed my hair appointment because of bad time management, traffic, and the fact that I go to a vet waaaaay out in Oregon City. Poor Jen, I just kind of exploded all over her. I think I really needed it at that moment though, because I've been better since. It was just that in the middle of all this stress and frustration that was supposed to be the one moment I had set aside for myself. To be pampered and gossip for an hour in the midst of all the craziness. And, I had scheduled it like, two months ago. 'Tevs. My hair actually is looking cuter by the day, so maybe it's all for the best.

I've been trying to snatch little moments with people before I leave. Lunch Tuesday with Jon, dinner Monday with Kendall, intimate but delightful get together at Alberta Street Pub last night with Nancy, Mullins, Aaron, Gina, and Jonathan. Culminated in a game of exquisite corpse newfangled for the twenty first century. Everyone gets out their cell phone and opens a text to a person that would appreciate random ridiculousness. Then you write one word and pass it to the person on your left. OMFG. So amazing. Laura Jean received:

"If mammals pontificate on freedom then why cant (sic) we experience ephemeral joy until The moment when James Brown kicks ass again."

Had a moment yesterday when I was buying groceries that that would be the last time I bought groceries at the Alberta Co-op. This weekend, I am heading to see the Nomadic Theater's production of Alice in Wonderland. Should be a neat way to say goodbye to Portland, since I spent so much time with them when I first got here. Thankfully, it's rained everyday since I got back from my long trip. EVERY DAY. Also, it's been cold. Hoodie weather. In JUNE. That makes it so much easier to leave this place full of so much stuff and people that I love.

My flight is at eleven Tuesday evening and I'll arrive desperately in need of coffee early Wednesday morning. Woah, my life is about to change. 

pajamas

So, Jon and I completed our awesomely-amazing tour of the southwest. Pictures here.

After that, we had a couple of shows in Everett (north of Seattle). Stayed with our friend John. He was in a show, and got us in fo' free, which was super fun. It was a musical, 110 in the Shade, and I've been singing show tunes for a week. When we got back to his place he fried us up some phillipino pork spring roll thing-ys (home made by his bf's momma) and we stayed up and chatted until late. It was a truly relaxing and delightful way to spend our final night on tour.

Shows went great, despite some minor technical difficulties with my mic. Thankfully, I knew taping the cord to my back during the scene change would do the trick. Ah, such is my glamorous life. On the way back (our last trip down I-5, of course on a Friday in traffic) we stopped one last time at the Burgerville in Centrailia, our unofficial favorite pit-stop/home away from home. Monday and Tuesday we had local shows, then unloaded our set into storage Tuesday afternoon. I was surprisingly unsentimental during our last show. It wasn't until we were doing our post-show spiel about staying quiet and listening to their teachers did I get blindsided by the fact that I'd never do this again. I'm going to miss Jonathan so much. So much! Looks like he turned out to be my best friend after all.

After we finished unloading our tech stuff into the workshop Brian had to do marketing, Nancy had a meeting, and Jon wanted to spend time with his soon to be business tripping girlfriend, so a rather anti-climactic ending to the year. Not quite the bang we went out with last year, but I suppose that's alright. I'm planning on throwing together some end of the year/I'm leaving shindig before I leave.

It's been raining incessantly, and I've stayed in my pj's watching Buffy for two days. Only now am starting to feel slightly pathetic and stir-crazy. I did walk Scout for the requisite hour yesterday though, and then got the bright idea to go for a run. I'm kind of surprised, but I was able to run comfortably for 30 minutes. Probably the best side effect of being recently unemployed I've ever had.

Everything feels very surreal. I have so much to do, but am having difficulty getting off the couch. Also, my computer power cord is kaput, which is limiting my entertainment while procrastinating mo-jo. I've figured out a way to gerry-rig it, but the solution of sitting very still and holding the power cord seems impermanent.

In less than two weeks I'm Atlanta bound. (sunny Atlanta!) I'm excited for beginning, but still can't really grasp what I'm ending. I guess that's normal though. Remembering that helps less than you'd imagine, but it's just enough.

what day is it?

In the past 3 days I have driven over a thousand miles, visited with Jonathan's parents, two of my cousins, walked on a beach, seen my first puppet slam, and warmed my bones in copious amounts of sunshine.

Sometimes, tour is awesome.

reason no. 1 I am moving

It is May 4th and it is currently 46 degrees and raining in Portland. Earlier it hailed.

sun and storms

Wow. April came and went. The sun is shining momentarily, and even though it's 50 degrees, I'm thankful for it.

Let's see... So, the Malika run was pretty fantastic. We had a great response from the community, and every house had a 100+ people in it. It went by super quickly though. It's hard to believe we put in so much work for a two week run. Two days after we closed we hit the ground running and were back on the road for our final stop in lovely Bellingham, Washington. Got dinner with Brandi and Andrew, and drinks afterward with Amanda. It was the first of my lasts (at least the first that I was conscious of). It was a perfectly lovely evening, and a lovely capstone to several casual and somewhat spontaneous visits I've had with each of them these past two years. It was kind of fitting, too since we're all moving on to bigger and better things next year. Brandi will be finishing her program and looking for teaching positions, Amanda is off to grad school in Boston, and I'm headed southward for adventures as yet unnamed. I would have never expected that part of this job (one of my very favorite parts of this job, to be honest) would be getting to visit a friend from Fayetteville/Savannah, and a friend from Bread and Puppet in the same lovely little town.

This week was a bit lighter; just a show and some workshops down in Dallas, Oregon. Got to perform for a theater full of fourth graders and a small contingent of high school drama kids and did workshops with each. It was the first time Jon and I have gotten to do workshops together, and it was so much fun! I especially loved working with the high school kids. It was a nice change of pace from the extreme regimentation of an elementary school. Also, the hosts told us that we came highly recommended as the company's best team and were extremely satisfied after we were finished. That always feels nice; you know, to hear from strangers that people have said nice things about you.

Then, to make up for all the weekends I've worked this month, I got the past three days off. Unfortunately, I've been sick with a pesky sore throat that won't quit. I've rested, watched the entire season four of Buffy on Netflix (time warp. is it just me, or did every single outfit she wore look like it came out of Wet Seal?), and drinking lots of tea. Last night as I was walking to Whole foods for some ginger, honey, and lemons, it occurred to me that I had an entire bottle of my favorite cold tincture (Umka) on my dresser. I should have started taking it Sunday when I stared feeling crappy, but better late than never. I started last night, and am finally starting to feel better. Marginally.

Oh! I also had brunch Sunday with Kendall, which was perfectly lovely. It was the first time I'd seen him since we broke up in January, and it was great to see him. I think we waited the perfect amount of time, because we were quite friendly and it was comfortable and good. I think this may be a sign of maturity that I've started dating guys I actually want to stay friends with after we've broken up.

I'm kind of all over the place about my big move. I'm totally impatient, but simultaneously completely unable to accomplish anything. There is so much to do, but I feel like I can't do anything until Jon and I get back from our Great Southwestern Adventure of '10, which we leave for on Thursday. We'll be out three weeks, and then I'll have about two more to get everything in order before Scout and I fly to Atlanta. I actually have very little planned out after than other than buy a car and spend my time split between Atlanta, Athens, and the cabin until I can find a job and a place to live. I think I'm gonna have some major culture shock re-entering the southland, but I can't wait to take weekend trips to Athens on a whim, or go over to LJ and Dave's to raid the fridge. [Oh, shit I hope I can find a job.]

flying high

The past couple of weeks, I've been biking a lot. Walking a lot. Really enjoying my neighborhood, and the sparing sun. The idea of buying a car has been completely unappealing and thus I haven't thought a lot about it. This weekend I started thinking about it. The thing is, I don't want to buy a car and with my life as it is in Portland, I don't have to. 


Then, I started thinking about summer. 


Yes, I will need a car in Atlanta (and I am getting very excited about the move), but if I can use frequent flyer miles (thanks poppa!) and ship my stuff via Amtrak, I can get to Atlanta without completely depleting my savings. That should give me a little breathing room once I arrive so that I don't have to be stressed about immediately getting a job. I have decided this breathing room is worth more than a road trip*. It feels annoyingly adult, but is exciting in its own way. It also presents its own challenges, like buying a car as soon as I get to Atlanta, but I feel like its the better call for me right now. 


*[Texas family, I hope to still see y'all in May when I perform in San Antonio, and am hoping to make a short trip out sometime in the fall.]


I am starting to renew contacts in Atlanta for jobs and living arrangements with the hope that something will pan out before fall. 


Ah! On to the here and now. Rehearsals have been a rollercoaster, but I think we're in a good place performance-wise with one week to go before we load in. Jon Ludwig is a perfectionist, and an excellent director. It has been a challenge and learning experience to work with him, and although I've had my moments of frustration, can say that overall, I am better for it. Scout is wonderful. Letters are wonderful. Spring, although a fickle mistress, is wonderful.

march march march (nom nom nom)

Looks like I've gone an entire month again without an update. I suppose it's because nothing much has been happening, but in a good way.

Let's see, tour is done for a while (yippee!), gotten into knitting animals (see photo), have become obsessed with and subsequently finished all of the new Dr. Who and its spin off Torchwood (curse you netflix instant viewing!) am now a week into rehearsals with the one and only Ludwig-i-nator of Atlanta. He's an interesting character and learning to work with him has been a delightful professional challenge. Suffice to say, I've been smiling and nodding a lot, and somehow my muscles have not yet failed me. By the time the show goes up, I expect I will have spontaneously acquired small anchor tattoos on my forearms. Also, let it be noted that we had the entire (ENTIRE) show blocked with puppets and props by day 4 of rehearsal. Epic.

Momma and her Greg are coming through town tomorrow for a visit. They're officially forever now, legally and otherwise. I'm so very happy for them both and can't wait to see them fresh off their elopment/honeymoon all full of cheer and sunshine.

This also means that I'm now the lone lady in the Long henhouse, but that doesn't mean I'm in any hurry to fly the coop. I'm really really enjoying my life right now, and very much looking forward to the adventures and challenges on the horizon. Very glad this will be my last chilly Portland spring, and that this time next year my life will be full of azelas and dogwoods.

spring forward! (sort of)

While the Eastern seaboard is getting blasted with wintry weather, in Portland we're enjoying our annual fake spring. Yep, we always get this weird 2 weeks of sporadic sunny weather and warm(er) temperatures for a couple of weeks mid February. I have to admit, although I'm jealous we only had a half a snow day this year, I have been REALLY appreciating the sun. Especially since I'm well aware that this is a limited window before the rain comes back full force.

Got a kind of light week with work, which may I also say is much needed and appreciated. Had yesterday as a make up for working a Saturday a few weeks ago, and just two shows (both in town, both after 10 am). This after about a month of solid shows. (A couple of weeks ago we did 15 shows in two weeks, with 4 mornings that started at 5 am. bleh.) Then just two more weeks until we're in town for 6 working on the new show! So excited. Need to start learning lines though...

Trying not to freak about finding a job in Atlanta next year. Hoping that my connections in the southern theater scene will pan out. Surprisingly (to me at least), I've decided that I want to continue working in theater. I've always been shy about making that sort of commitment, but I'm finally ready to do it. I don't need to perform though. I'd be extremely happy doing education, technical, or administrative work. We'll see. Also, I really really want to live alone again if possible, but understand it may not be feasible without knowing what I'll be doing.

A note on my move: After crunching the numbers about flight and shipping costs, I've decided to buy a car here in Portland and take another road trip to get home (for about the same price I can have an adventure rather than a long lousy flight). I have a friend who leads kyaking tours in the San Juans every summer, and can't well leave the Pacific Northwest before spending a little quality time up there. Then I'll head over to Bellingham for a day, then down 101 (I've always wanted to drive the length down the West Coast) with a little stop over in Ashland to take in some Shakespeare. Then dow to San Francisco and further to LA to visit my cousins. Then I want to take in the southwest and visit as many National Parks as humanly possible. Grand Canyon, Bryce, Zion, Arches, etc. before heading to Austin for a bit and then over to Atlanta and then up to the cabin for about a month. Last summer was all about visiting friends, this summer I want an adventure. I want to push myself to get out and meet people, to develop a small show to perform in parks, play my ukulele on street corners, hike, camp, and generally drink life in gulps. Big big gulps.

my show!

So, Jon and I did a couple of shows at community centers this weekend. Both shows had a couple of amateur photo buffs in the audience and they got some pretty great shots.

Ch-ch-ch-check it out.

up and up

So, things are going well. Back on cod-liver oil (yes, I take cod-liver oil, now with vitamin D!) and my pond scum and feeling flipping fantastic for it. Doing lots of shows, knitting lots, getting into Dr. Who (I've finally admitted I'm a closet fantasy/sci-fi geek), and writing lots and lots of letters. Mail is the best mood buster EVER. Seriously.

Saw Where the Wild Things Are last night with Goose-man and loved it. LOVED it. I thought it was beautiful and true, and gosh darn it, it was just good to get out of the house. Also, I love Laurelhurst. I'll miss it when I'm gone.

But, I'm done with the rain. DONE. And there are 4 more months of it. Joy.

That's about all. I'm a sleepy-Hannah, so I'm headed to bed early.

operation happy Hannah

Alright. I'm done with this depression business. What makes me happy? Cleaning, organizing, and planning. So, I've decided to apply these principles to my life.

Let's see, cleaning will include making sure I go back to a gluten free dairy free diet for a while. A cleanse, if you will. Ditto on cutting back on sugar, coffee, and alcohol. (sigh, I know this will help but this will be a bit more difficult).

When I think back to earlier this fall when I was deliriously happy, I remember that, hey, I was planning on spending 3 months at the cabin this summer. Plan hereby reinstated. And then I was going to move to Atlanta, try to get a job at the Center for Puppetry Arts and start ASL interpreter training. Check and check. Even if this doesn't happen, just having some plan in place allows me to breathe a little easier and shake the fog that's been clouding my head for over a month now.

This does mean adjusting my involvement in the project in Chicago to be more of a consultant and teacher, which is a-ok with director-man James and playwright Stephen. I'm thinking I'll spend a month; a couple of weeks before rehearsals start and a couple of weeks after, then back for the opening. Phew. Anxiety lifted.

It also helps that I've been taking Scout for long walks, and today, even though I had to get up at 5 am, it's SUNNY! I swear, the sun really is amazing, and makes all things seem easier.

I am completely aware that this blog chronicles my shifts from intense freak-out-age and planning and coping, but these are things I've realized I will be dealing with at least every three months for the rest of my life. It helps that I'm neurotic and actually do know what to do when I'm feeling ridiculously overwhelmed even if I have a hard time actually enacting those ideas.

Encouragement helps though. Send me some love!

musing

I am learning the difference between lonely and lonesome.

theme song

I'm going through a lot right now. It feels big and overwhelming and tiny all at the same time. And I'm feeling sad and excited and scared and alive. So, in general I detest song lyric blog postings, but I'm feeling self-indulgent. Humor me.

I Like Giants

(click to listen)

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

When I saw Geneviève I really liked it when she said
What she said about the giant and the lemmings on the cliff
She said 'I like giants
Especially girl giants
Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size'

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
*I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole

So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

So I talked to Geneviève and almost cried when she said
That the giant on the cliff wished that she was dead
And the lemmings on the cliff wished that they were dead
So the giant told the lemmings why they ought to live instead

When she thought up all those reasons that they ought to live instead
It made her reconsider all the sad thoughts in her head
So thank you Geneviève, cause you take what is in your head
you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends

We all become important when we realize our goal
Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole
And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
And I don't wanna make her cry
Cause I like giants

getting better at getting older

There are things in my life, (moods, tendencies) that I thought I'd grow out of. Grumpy days as well as totally freaking out about big life decisions. The latter is something I've been really struggling with lately.

When I decided to return to TOJ last year, it was made with the implication that it would be my last year. Now, half-way through that year, I've got some mighty strong senior-itis. I could wax poetic about the things I do not like about the way that TOJ is run, but basically that is a side rant to distract me from what's really at hand, which is figuring out what the sam hill I'm doing with my life next year.

In the midst of all of this I've been frustrated at the level of freak out/depression I've been experiencing the past three weeks. It's ridiculous. I am ashamed of how many times I sighed yesterday. I wish I no longer had to deal with these pesky moods. I'm entirely aware that they are immature, selfish, illogical, and completely unhelpful, but I'm helpless to the fact that they happen. I've realized that becoming an adult isn't so much growing out of these tendencies as learning how to cope with them.

So, this is what I've found helps.

1. friends. I've got some pretty rad friends who make me feel like a million bucks. Most of them live far away, which sucks, but phone+internet can come pretty darn close.

2. Remembering that it's always worked out in the past. I've been at a big decision, life changing 'what am I doing?' place before. It's always worked out. I have a safety net, savings, and a good head on my shoulders. New mantra: "It's all going to work out."

3. Reminding myself that this is waaaaay to early to be concerned. The earliest I'll actually have to do any deciding is October. That's a good 10 months away. Ten glorious months.

So, all I've actually decided (re-decided?) is that I'm going to focus on getting my ASL interpreter certification come fall. I've talked ad nauseum about it, and now it's time to put it into action. The thing is, if I ever reach a point like this again, it'd be nice to have that ace in my back pocket.

Now, I've just got to figure out where, and what my day job will be. Kendall is pulling hard for it to be Portland, but the last couple of days I've been considering Austin (restrain yourself Kathy). But just now, my friend David offered me a puppetry job if I were in Atlanta, so we'll see.

I don't know where I'll be this time next year and I'm trying to be okay with that. Because you know what? It's all going to work out just fine.

holi-daze

Alas, I am again remiss in chronicling my life. (sorry, Kathy) And, yet again it has something to do with my life being unbearably full. (Although in the last couple of weeks it's been mostly full of knitting and Gilmore Girls marathons, but that's beside the point).

So, I've probably been most avoiding writing this post because of the following drama. Not because it's all that awful, but just that since I've finally wrapped up the final pieces of it, repeating the story has become even more abhorrent, but I figure if I'm trying to preserve some sort of record of my life it ought to be included so here goes.

I totaled my car. In Seattle. 14 hours before I left for Christmas vacation.

In anticipation of the questions everyone has been asking me, I will preemptively answer all of them:

1) Yes, I'm fine. No, no one was hurt. Except the car. Not very difficult to total a '92 civic as it turns out.

2) I was in Seattle because I was traveling with Scout and wanted him to have the least amount of time necessary in the cargo hold (for his nerves and mine). I was crashing at a friend's house and on my way to see a play produced by the kind soul and who was taking me to the airport in the morning. (Thankfully, Scout was not in the car). As it was Seattle, it was raining. An Explorer full of 16 year old boys slammed on their brakes, as did I. My brakes locked up and I skidded into them bending their bumper and crushing my Betty. They were all quite kind, the cops were swell, and the tow truck guy even helped me out with storing the car while I was out of town (this turned out to be not as simple as anticipated, but worked out in the end).

3) Yes, I got a ticket. $175. I don't want to talk about it. Expected, but still annoying.

4) No, I'm not getting another car. At least not right now. Portland is an easy city not to have a car in, and seeing as both work and my boyfriend are within a mile radius of my house, it hasn't been that big of an adjustment. Bonus: that whole, being more active in the new year thing has been terribly easy, and Scout is loving the long walks to the post office and co-op. I'd been hankering for a truck lately anyway, so if/when I do decide to invest, I'm thinking of a Tacoma. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the extra $100 or so a month I spent on gas and insurance. Also, it looks like I'll be doing a better job of living up to the title of this blog.

5) Also, the owner of the car (not, as it turns out the family of the driver. a family friend) told me not to worry about repairs, since it only marred his bumper. So, somehow I got out of the whole ordeal only down the cost of the ticket. Well, that and the whole not having a car anymore thing.

Unfortunately, this put a slight damper on my holiday as I was unable to take care of any of this from North Carolina. Also, it was just kind of a weird holiday in general. LJ and Dave went to his folks for Christmas, so it was just me, mom, and Greg on Christmas day. Aaaaand, for reasons (they both said they had their reasons) neither of my parents put up Christmas decorations. Or music. Correction: that is, until I woke up Christmas morning and cried from stress and frustration and mom finally broke down and pulled out one box of decorations to appease my headonistic soul. I think the whole, "I don't believe in Jesus any more, so that makes the decorations all the more important" really got to her. All in all, it was just a weird holiday. Kind of awful really, and I was just a peach to my family, so kudos and many thanks for putting up with my tantrums dear loved ones. Mom pulled some magic and got me home a couple of days early just so I could take care of things.

So, I got home, took care of the car stuff as best I could manage, (Kendall rented a car and drove all the way up to Seattle when he had to work the next day just to rescue me. He's a white knight, that one.) I then promptly came home and fell ill. It was just a nasty cold, but it had me laid out for a couple of days. Went back to work this week, and am still getting back in the swing of things. In a bit of a mid year slump. That is, when I'm not paralyzed in fear about what I'm going to do with myself next year after Chicago. I have a couple of options I'm weighing, but am still primarily freaked out on a daily basis, and have been letting this get in the way of me functioning in any social capacity. (See previous comment about knitting and Gilmore Girls). The list of people I've been meaning to call is a mile long, but it's hard to get up the nerve to connect with people, even those you like, when all you feel like doing is whining.

Kendall and I are doing well. We've been spending a lot of time together lately, and after me freaking out a little (as I am wont to do) we're pulling back a little. I really don't want to mess this up. He makes me feel lucky.

Scout is the light of my life, as always.

So, that gets things current. Hopefully, I'll feel compelled to update again before another month has passed. 'Til then, love to all!