rain and the like

We had sun for about a second but the rain seems to be here to stay. In other news, turns out November is the least encouraging month to begin a running regimen in Portland. I've been biking when it's not too nasty and that lifts my heart (rate) and spirits. Currently seeking indoor activities beyond snuggling with Scout for exercise. 

Back on my no wheat/dairy kick and feeling very nice. I bought a LOT of groceries last weekend and am working my way to 3 part happiness: full pantry, clean house, clean clothes. Always seems to work for me. Maslov and all that.

November has been considerably lighter in the travel department. We'll have one or two nights out then two or three home. It's been pretty darn great to get to feel like I live in Portland again. 

Speaking of, I have fallen back in love with this city and am not going anywhere for a while. The biking, the mountains, burgerville, my kick ass job, a budding community... so much to love. 

My housing situation while it continues to kick ass, is in half-replacement mode. I understand and love my roomies and understand the need for transition, but I am ready for that to be stable for a while. I mean you Anna. No moving. Seriously. 

A little in panic mode about finding someone to watch Scout for me while I'm in AK for Christmas. I'll be gone a week and can't afford $20/night to board him, and I'm too freaked to fly him up in cargo in the winter. Blah. Stress. Can't. Deal.

In other news, I get older this weekend. Yep, 24 on Sunday. Having a few friends over for dancing and cupcakes, because really, what is better than that?

Also, a week from today is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. Mom's flying down and we're going to eat Halibut and gingerbread and watch movies in front of a fire. Should be smashing. 

Aaaaaand, my daddy-o is flying in tonight and will be here for the weekend, and at the risk of actually having expectations, I'm kind of excited. Awkward hugs, and all that. 

So, as the seasonal affected disorder rolls in like the clouds I'm fighting back with cleanliness, a whole mess of food, and time with people that mean a whole lot to me. Look at me being all mature and stuff. Shucks.

may it be noted

I had a really fantastic weekend. 

In light of recent emotional states, this means quite a lot.

that's all.

future proche

There's a tense in French called the 'near future' that describes things, big surprise, that are going to happen in the near future. I have a weird habit of living my life in the near future. I realized recently that my fantasies about living in Asheville next year had become somewhat escapist. Tour is getting hard, and even though I had thought I had really organized a couple of weekends ago and gotten my priorities straight, all I really had done was realize that they needed straightening. Specifically, I need to figure out a way to feed my passions for creating. I made some prints today, and it was extremely satisfying. I also have some plans for long-term projects that are quite exciting (have I mentioned the Sasquach puppet lately?) I've also started investing again in my space. Space is super important to me, but I also have a bad habit of not changing anything after I've moved in. I hung more stuff on my walls today, but need more. I think that's all I want for my birthday. Art. 

Also, making slightly ambitious (ambitious in that I'll probably fail way) to start running. I'm at the threshold of fat-kid-dom (i.e. I don't want to weigh more than I do now) and I'm not entirely pleased. I talk a lot of talk about being active, and being strong but the thing is, I'm not. Thinking about signing up for a 5k around the new year for motivation. 

Basically, I have a fantastic life, and I'm trying to get my head straight so that I can recognize that more easily on a daily basis. It never hurts to learn again that it really is no one's responsibility but my own to build the life that I want to lead. This is it. 

landslide indeed

After 8 years of being ashamed, frightened, scared, and frustrated with my country and my leaders, I am hopeful, optimistic, proud, and gosh darn excited. I cried like a baby last night. It was the first time I've felt pure joy in a pretty long time.

I was talking about the election with some friends last Saturday and one of the guys I was talking to mentioned that our generation hasn't really had anybody that we've ever looked up to or been truly inspired by. That's one of the many reasons this election has meant so much to us. We admire (President Elect!) Obama, are inspired by him.

I know it's going to be a long hard road, but I have the confidence that The United States can heal.

Thank you to everyone who voted, organized, or just participated. You are what make our country great.

a very happy election day to you!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

(Turn and face the strain)

Ch-ch-changes

Don't want to be a richer (wo) man

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

(Turn and face the strain)

Ch-ch-changes

Just gonna have to (vote for) a different man

Time may change me

But I can't change time. 

Yep, I just quoted Bowie in honor of election day. 

I'm giddy. Fingers crossed, prayers prayed, now I'm just trying to keep from getting ahead of myself. I'm still in a dreamy "oh my god, can it be true?" And on top of the fact that Obama may very well win this election (please, please, please), Georgia may go blue. Let me reiterate: GEORGIA may go BLUE. (aw, shucks).

Regardless, Bush cannot be re-elected, which should be a relief to everyone, including those who helped elect him (*ahem*). 

I love voting. It's inspiring. It's... it's... getting your opinion to count. It's just great. I love it so much it gets me all inarticulate. 

And so... partially in honor of the changing face of America (did I mention that I was excited?!) and partially because of my current emotional roller coaster, I'm making some changes in my own life.

In a moment of introspection over the weekend, I remembered that when I take care of myself physically, I feel better emotionally. I also enjoy a healthy obsession, so I'm focusing on what I'm fueling my body with, and how I'm taking care of it. In the spirit of accountability I'm posting some goals. Cheers!

1) I will drink at least a liter of water every day.

2) I will do 5 sequences of sun salutations every morning.

3) I will take at least a 30 minute walk every day.

4) I will limit and work to cut wheat and dairy from my diet.

5) I will re-focus my nutrition to include protein, a whole grain, and veggies at every meal. 

6) I will be sure to take my iron every day. For serious.

All stuff I can do. No excuses. 

C'mon kids, bust a move. 

good things

1 extra hour of sleep

quaker meeting

gold leaves

scout

tea with a friend

groceries

a clean refrigerator

vegan pumpkin gingerbread

a house (soon to be) full of good Friends

I am very blessed. 

le sigh

Le sigh. I realized this week that I'm depressed. Not reaching-for-the-pills depressed, just down. Before I get too hard on myself as I am wont to do, I realize that this kind of makes sense. I had a crappy break up and being on the road makes it really hard to feel connected to a community in Portland. It makes it hard to feel connected to a life in Portland. And if I have learned anything in my 23 years of living, it's that feeling connected is the most important thing to me. Yes, I have friends here, and they are great! But having a real sense of community here would take years, and I'm trying to decide if that's a commitment I'm ready to make. 

I've been toying with the idea of moving to Asheville next summer. There's something to be said for moving 2,000 miles away and completely starting your life over again, just to know that you can. But I'm starting to realize that there's also something to be said for being physically close to the people you are emotionally close to. Yes, if I had moved to North Carolina immediately after graduation I would have felt like I was settling and always wonder. But I have done it. I know I can, and I think that may have been all I needed. Being here to help with LJ+Dave's wedding was priceless, and working with Tears of Joy and knowing that I could actually do this puppetry thing as a career, has also been an invaluable experience. I have so enjoyed exploring my spirituality at Quaker meeting and making the diverse friend group that I have but... The thing is there's always a but at the end of that sentence for me, and I'm trying to figure out what that's about. It's complicated, I suppose, as these things often are. 

So, I'm pushing through it. Trying really hard to figure things out. To think things through, but also get out of my head and listen to my heart. If you pray, I'd appreciate your prayers. If you don't, just send me some love. I'll take care of it and be sure to send some back soon.