wandering. wondering.

Alrighty, so it’s been exactly a month since my return to the southland, and I still have no idea what I’m doing.

The day I moved here, I called Laura Jean, my dear sister, while taking Scout for our final walk through Portland. I just wanted to see how she was, and let her know that I was super excited to see her. Well, she proceeded to inform me that she and Dave were getting a divorce and she was moving back to NYC come August. They still love each other, and it’s totally amicable blah, blah, blah (she, in fact is living with him in Atlanta until August), he just wants to be in Atlanta, and she wants to be in New York. Okaaaaaaaaaaay. So. I’ve been through all the stages of grief, so I need no consoling, but…

What?!!?!

My plans kind of went ka-bluey when she told me because at that exact moment I realized that 65% of the reason I was indeed moving to the ATL was to be near her. Because she campaigned. Begged. Persuaded. So, that’s it. I’m done following my sister around and we will probably never live in the same town again.

So, now I’m here. Wondering what exactly I’m doing. I had an audition at the Center that went fantastic, but since their season’s set, it was more of a “who’s in town” kind of thing. Meaning, I could potentially get to do a show with them sometime this year, but no guaranteed immediate employment. So, I’ve been crashing with LJ and Dave (in their rather tiny house) most of the last month with intermittent trips to the cabin and Athens. I’ve visited and caught up with so many good friends. Laura Jean and I are actually getting along really well. It’s just been kind of a head trip kind of having no idea what I’m doing, and being in the same geographic space that I was the last time I felt this way (three years ago, after college).

In light of the reality of Atlanta, (memories everywhere—good and bad; HEAT, traffic, LOTS of people…) I’ve been trying to re-evaluate if this is really where I want to land. I’ve good savings, and a set of wheels (ah, yes. I bought a car. ’97 Subaru Outback wagon with only 95k and a few bumps and bruises. Great car. Of course I’ve already put over 2,000 miles on it…) But I could do anything. ANYTHING. This is as exciting as it is debilitating.

I feel confident that it was time for me to move on from both Tears of Joy and from Portland, but where to? Well, I’ve narrowed it down to either Atlanta, or Brattleboro, Vermont. Currently Atlanta has going for it: family, friends (college, friends of family, and childhood friends), familiarity, puppet community, opportunity, good food, CHEAP, and lots of stuff happening. Brattleboro on the other hand: small (13,000 people), BEAUTIFUL, quaint, Deaf school (the Austine School), trapeze school, puppetry, new-ness, a place that could be mine.

It’s pretty close right now. I have some days where I’m totally sold on Atlanta (these days usually involve hanging out with Nina), and others where I’m in love with the possibility of Vermont, a place I’ve dreamed of living since I was 13.

So, I’m knitting a sweater to help me decide. I am project-oriented, so I figure it’ll give my hands something to do while I think things through. It’s coming along quite well, and I’m all kinds of in love with both the pattern and the yarn.

I also told LJ I’d drive her up to New York, so she could take a load of her stuff up (yippee station wagon!) and I could continue on to Vermont and check out Brattleboro and maybe even spend a week or two at Bread and Puppet. We’re currently set to take off around the 11 of August, and I plan to hang out in Vermont at least a week, but maybe until the beginning of September.

So that’s the gist of it. I’m hanging in there, and making things happen. You know, like I do.