When I decided to return to TOJ last year, it was made with the implication that it would be my last year. Now, half-way through that year, I've got some mighty strong senior-itis. I could wax poetic about the things I do not like about the way that TOJ is run, but basically that is a side rant to distract me from what's really at hand, which is figuring out what the sam hill I'm doing with my life next year.
In the midst of all of this I've been frustrated at the level of freak out/depression I've been experiencing the past three weeks. It's ridiculous. I am ashamed of how many times I sighed yesterday. I wish I no longer had to deal with these pesky moods. I'm entirely aware that they are immature, selfish, illogical, and completely unhelpful, but I'm helpless to the fact that they happen. I've realized that becoming an adult isn't so much growing out of these tendencies as learning how to cope with them.
So, this is what I've found helps.
1. friends. I've got some pretty rad friends who make me feel like a million bucks. Most of them live far away, which sucks, but phone+internet can come pretty darn close.
2. Remembering that it's always worked out in the past. I've been at a big decision, life changing 'what am I doing?' place before. It's always worked out. I have a safety net, savings, and a good head on my shoulders. New mantra: "It's all going to work out."
3. Reminding myself that this is waaaaay to early to be concerned. The earliest I'll actually have to do any deciding is October. That's a good 10 months away. Ten glorious months.
So, all I've actually decided (re-decided?) is that I'm going to focus on getting my ASL interpreter certification come fall. I've talked ad nauseum about it, and now it's time to put it into action. The thing is, if I ever reach a point like this again, it'd be nice to have that ace in my back pocket.
Now, I've just got to figure out where, and what my day job will be. Kendall is pulling hard for it to be Portland, but the last couple of days I've been considering Austin (restrain yourself Kathy). But just now, my friend David offered me a puppetry job if I were in Atlanta, so we'll see.
I don't know where I'll be this time next year and I'm trying to be okay with that. Because you know what? It's all going to work out just fine.
2 comments:
You are very popular.
And even when you are old, you worry about things. Though not as much as when you are young. But the reason you don't worry when you are old is that you know you don't have much longer to worry!!
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