good things

1 extra hour of sleep

quaker meeting

gold leaves

scout

tea with a friend

groceries

a clean refrigerator

vegan pumpkin gingerbread

a house (soon to be) full of good Friends

I am very blessed. 

le sigh

Le sigh. I realized this week that I'm depressed. Not reaching-for-the-pills depressed, just down. Before I get too hard on myself as I am wont to do, I realize that this kind of makes sense. I had a crappy break up and being on the road makes it really hard to feel connected to a community in Portland. It makes it hard to feel connected to a life in Portland. And if I have learned anything in my 23 years of living, it's that feeling connected is the most important thing to me. Yes, I have friends here, and they are great! But having a real sense of community here would take years, and I'm trying to decide if that's a commitment I'm ready to make. 

I've been toying with the idea of moving to Asheville next summer. There's something to be said for moving 2,000 miles away and completely starting your life over again, just to know that you can. But I'm starting to realize that there's also something to be said for being physically close to the people you are emotionally close to. Yes, if I had moved to North Carolina immediately after graduation I would have felt like I was settling and always wonder. But I have done it. I know I can, and I think that may have been all I needed. Being here to help with LJ+Dave's wedding was priceless, and working with Tears of Joy and knowing that I could actually do this puppetry thing as a career, has also been an invaluable experience. I have so enjoyed exploring my spirituality at Quaker meeting and making the diverse friend group that I have but... The thing is there's always a but at the end of that sentence for me, and I'm trying to figure out what that's about. It's complicated, I suppose, as these things often are. 

So, I'm pushing through it. Trying really hard to figure things out. To think things through, but also get out of my head and listen to my heart. If you pray, I'd appreciate your prayers. If you don't, just send me some love. I'll take care of it and be sure to send some back soon. 

blog wars

My relatives are engaged in an all out blog-war. I find this mildly amusing. We never talk about politics in my mom's family (well, at least not in mixed company) because of one simple understanding: we're not going to change each others minds, but we might hurt each other's feelings. I love my family. I respect my family. I enjoy witty banter and political discourse. 

I am not going to blog about why I'm voting for Obama. (as if that were a surprise to anyone anyway).

Because, the fact is, I'm not going to change your mind. My mom isn't going to change Natalie's mind. Natalie isn't going to change Aunt Kathy's mind. 

And that's okay. 

I just hope this conversation is just that; a conversation. Because that's the most valuable thing we can gain from one another. That or just get frustrated and stop listening or reading as the case may be. 

I hope it's the former, but I've been told I'm an optimist.

blue skies

It's beautiful outside, and it's helping. 

After a long week on the road, coming home last night I felt melancholy. Scout and I snuggled, I put on clean sheets and listened to the Avett Brothers. I want to figure out how to be pursuing all of my interests at the same time. The fact that I have a job in the exact field I want is amazing, but surprisingly not enough. I want to be signing. I want to be on the trapeze. I am trying to figure out how to make this work. 

I have also decided that although I adore Portland, I am willing to follow puppetry jobs and training wherever they might be. This is kind of a big deal as up to this point most of the major life decisions I've made have been focused around where to live. It's also kind of crazy because it means I've decided to follow this puppetry thing as a career path. It sounds way too adult when I put it like that so it helps to remind myself that I'm talking about puppetry. 

I'm still going through the ups and downs of a break-up. I've had about one bad day a week, which I'd say isn't too bad. Today, it's sunny and I spent the morning at an apple tasting, buying pumpkins, and chowing down on Pho with one of my roomies. Now, I'm having a beer and enjoying the afternoon. Soon, our house will be full of pumpkin carving festivities and I'm delighted. We stumble, and scrape our knees, but who would want to live in a world without scar stories?

I'm a bad blogger

So, I've been a bit remiss in updating lately, but that's mainly because my life has been sucking. So badly in fact that anything would be an improvement, so guess what kids? Things are looking up!

The bad:

I hate traffic. 8 hour soul-crushing traffic jams that happen on Fridays specifically.

I hate boys. Specifically those of the long blond hair variety without the balls to know a goddamn (sorry mom) thing about themselves and feel the need to inflict pain on those around them with forays into "honesty." If that sounds enigmatic, realize that you are correct! The shorthand is that I broke up with Avery. He is a stupid boy. That is over. Finito. Don't ask how he is because I don't know. 

I hate it when my body revolts against me. Like when 4 hours after breaking up with avery my body decided to have a ruptured ovarian cyst that was excruciatingly painful and took a day and a half hospital stay to figure out. (THANK GOD I have insurance).

The good:

My job is rad. I get to do puppet shows for kids. They make me feel like a rockstar. Being on the road is hard, but definitely worth it. I'm seeing some beautiful country, visiting friends (!), and thankfully Jonathan shares my Law and Order obsession. 

I love coming home to my home. This is such an important part of my life, and I'm so blessed by my awesome living situation.

Have devised a rather shaky but terribly exciting plan for spending most of my summer split between the south east and north east. Details forthcoming.  

thank you for being patient with me blog readers. I am back, not quite with a vengeance, but with something.

the quick and dirty

I'm getting insurance (thanks dad!).

We had our official dress rehearsal last night (and it went really well!)

I'll be on the road this time next week.

My foot's doing fine.

I gave Scout a bath last night. 

I learned the entire "Who's on First" routine by Abbot and Costello and performed it tonight (with a puppet) at TOJ's benefit dinner for about 200 people.

So basically things are good and I am exhausted.

franken foot!

Alright kids, enough of emo Hannah. I love you and miss you, but I'm getting on with my life. 

Woke up super happy and optimistic today. Number one: I got to see Avery last night, which was basically really great. I really appreciate the times that we get to hang out and have time to talk about more than just what's going on in our lives. Big things, important things. Spending time like that makes me feel so connected, present, and relaxed. That's pretty amazing and I'm unbelievably thankful for it (and him). 

So I woke up happy. Then, driving to work I remembered that I was going to get to see a puppet show today. Score! Being a puppeteer basically rocks because not only do I get to play with puppets, I get to watch my co-workers do the same. So I got to work, Jonathan and I set up our set (a note here on the fact that Jonathan basically rocks, we make a great team (TEAM JO-HA!) and I'm so delighted to be touring with him). Then we walked over to the rehearsal space for the team doing The Reluctant Dragon (about a dragon who loves poetry and sunsets). On the way there, I got a stick caught behind my left heel so when I strode forward with my right it cut me (on the top of my ankle where the curve is). I looked down, and was like, "Man, that hurt" but kept walking. A few steps later I looked down and there was blood everywhere! I started laughing because it was such a ridiculous situation and hobbled the rest of the way. Once I got to the space I wrapped it up with a piece of gauzy fabric and an ace bandage. As long as my foot was flexed it wouldn't bleed, so I wrapped it that way. Anyway, the show was GREAT! They start their tour tomorrow, (two weeks before we leave) so I was super impressed. Then we all went out to this amazing buffet called Horn of Africa and completely gorged ourselves. Since we usually are only working on our individual shows, it was really fun to just hang out with everybody. Then when we got back to the office, we met with head honcho Janet who scolded us for leaving the workshop in shambles. I checked my foot out during the meeting and discovered that it was still bleeding (4 hours later) if I moved it. So I told Nancy, and she sent me to the ER. An hour and a half, a tetnus shot, and 5 stitches later I came back laughing about the whole experience. 

So basically my work day consisted of setting up my set, cutting my foot, watching a great puppet show, eating amazing Ethopian food, and going to the ER. Not too bad.