blue skies

It's beautiful outside, and it's helping. 

After a long week on the road, coming home last night I felt melancholy. Scout and I snuggled, I put on clean sheets and listened to the Avett Brothers. I want to figure out how to be pursuing all of my interests at the same time. The fact that I have a job in the exact field I want is amazing, but surprisingly not enough. I want to be signing. I want to be on the trapeze. I am trying to figure out how to make this work. 

I have also decided that although I adore Portland, I am willing to follow puppetry jobs and training wherever they might be. This is kind of a big deal as up to this point most of the major life decisions I've made have been focused around where to live. It's also kind of crazy because it means I've decided to follow this puppetry thing as a career path. It sounds way too adult when I put it like that so it helps to remind myself that I'm talking about puppetry. 

I'm still going through the ups and downs of a break-up. I've had about one bad day a week, which I'd say isn't too bad. Today, it's sunny and I spent the morning at an apple tasting, buying pumpkins, and chowing down on Pho with one of my roomies. Now, I'm having a beer and enjoying the afternoon. Soon, our house will be full of pumpkin carving festivities and I'm delighted. We stumble, and scrape our knees, but who would want to live in a world without scar stories?

I'm a bad blogger

So, I've been a bit remiss in updating lately, but that's mainly because my life has been sucking. So badly in fact that anything would be an improvement, so guess what kids? Things are looking up!

The bad:

I hate traffic. 8 hour soul-crushing traffic jams that happen on Fridays specifically.

I hate boys. Specifically those of the long blond hair variety without the balls to know a goddamn (sorry mom) thing about themselves and feel the need to inflict pain on those around them with forays into "honesty." If that sounds enigmatic, realize that you are correct! The shorthand is that I broke up with Avery. He is a stupid boy. That is over. Finito. Don't ask how he is because I don't know. 

I hate it when my body revolts against me. Like when 4 hours after breaking up with avery my body decided to have a ruptured ovarian cyst that was excruciatingly painful and took a day and a half hospital stay to figure out. (THANK GOD I have insurance).

The good:

My job is rad. I get to do puppet shows for kids. They make me feel like a rockstar. Being on the road is hard, but definitely worth it. I'm seeing some beautiful country, visiting friends (!), and thankfully Jonathan shares my Law and Order obsession. 

I love coming home to my home. This is such an important part of my life, and I'm so blessed by my awesome living situation.

Have devised a rather shaky but terribly exciting plan for spending most of my summer split between the south east and north east. Details forthcoming.  

thank you for being patient with me blog readers. I am back, not quite with a vengeance, but with something.

the quick and dirty

I'm getting insurance (thanks dad!).

We had our official dress rehearsal last night (and it went really well!)

I'll be on the road this time next week.

My foot's doing fine.

I gave Scout a bath last night. 

I learned the entire "Who's on First" routine by Abbot and Costello and performed it tonight (with a puppet) at TOJ's benefit dinner for about 200 people.

So basically things are good and I am exhausted.

franken foot!

Alright kids, enough of emo Hannah. I love you and miss you, but I'm getting on with my life. 

Woke up super happy and optimistic today. Number one: I got to see Avery last night, which was basically really great. I really appreciate the times that we get to hang out and have time to talk about more than just what's going on in our lives. Big things, important things. Spending time like that makes me feel so connected, present, and relaxed. That's pretty amazing and I'm unbelievably thankful for it (and him). 

So I woke up happy. Then, driving to work I remembered that I was going to get to see a puppet show today. Score! Being a puppeteer basically rocks because not only do I get to play with puppets, I get to watch my co-workers do the same. So I got to work, Jonathan and I set up our set (a note here on the fact that Jonathan basically rocks, we make a great team (TEAM JO-HA!) and I'm so delighted to be touring with him). Then we walked over to the rehearsal space for the team doing The Reluctant Dragon (about a dragon who loves poetry and sunsets). On the way there, I got a stick caught behind my left heel so when I strode forward with my right it cut me (on the top of my ankle where the curve is). I looked down, and was like, "Man, that hurt" but kept walking. A few steps later I looked down and there was blood everywhere! I started laughing because it was such a ridiculous situation and hobbled the rest of the way. Once I got to the space I wrapped it up with a piece of gauzy fabric and an ace bandage. As long as my foot was flexed it wouldn't bleed, so I wrapped it that way. Anyway, the show was GREAT! They start their tour tomorrow, (two weeks before we leave) so I was super impressed. Then we all went out to this amazing buffet called Horn of Africa and completely gorged ourselves. Since we usually are only working on our individual shows, it was really fun to just hang out with everybody. Then when we got back to the office, we met with head honcho Janet who scolded us for leaving the workshop in shambles. I checked my foot out during the meeting and discovered that it was still bleeding (4 hours later) if I moved it. So I told Nancy, and she sent me to the ER. An hour and a half, a tetnus shot, and 5 stitches later I came back laughing about the whole experience. 

So basically my work day consisted of setting up my set, cutting my foot, watching a great puppet show, eating amazing Ethopian food, and going to the ER. Not too bad. 

everywhere at once, take two

Again feeling slightly overwhelmed in both the immediate and long term. 

Funny, since this time my life actually has a shape to it. I'm settling into being a puppeteer 9-5 M-F. It's funny how regular it seems right now. I'll be on the road soon though. Daunting. That's the only word I can think of to describe touring right now. But rehearsals are going great, and I'm really enjoying working with my touring partner and director.

I've decided to go back to get an MFA in puppetry sometime in the next ten years. Probably get certified as an ASL interpreter sometime in there too. The order is kind of fuzzy, and it's a little overwhelming to think about, but it's good. Confusing and intense, but good.

Things are going great, but I'm feeling that creeping Sunday night feeling. 

I just watched some YouTube videos from this summer at Bread and Puppet and can't believe I missed it. Missed. In the complete definition of the word. I miss Megan and Taryn so much it hurts. I can't believe it's been almost a year since all 3 of the little piggies were united. I felt the same thing during the 2-3 weeks they were there on the farm, but since then I've settled into being happy about my life here in Portland. Feeling present, and thankful that I'm here. (Damn you YouTube and lazy Sunday evenings for making me feel otherwise!) But the thing is, I miss all of my friends. I'm just now getting to know a couple of people here. Really getting to know. Namely Avery and Anna, which is fantastic! And I'm terribly thankful for their friendship. I'm still slowly building and extending my community. But since Laura Jean has left, it's made me realize how few people know me. Really know me in that way that Hallmark has hijacked to make everything I try to say about it sound cleichéd. 

I can't believe it's been a year and a half since I sat across from Nina tasting her adventures in foccicia. A year and a half since I took a walk with Helen down Boulevard with Scout. Since I drank PBR out of a boot at 283 with Matt Weeks. Since Lauren made working at Earth Fare not feel like work. Since Megan Louise and I made dinner. And that's just Athens people! 

I miss my friends. Being away from people who know you makes you feel kind of lost. You see yourself in them. It's like being reassured that you're okay, that you do exist. It's a lot harder to do on your own. 

I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. I just wanted to send some love to the people I care about most, but see the least.

little bikes, big cute

My bike route to work passes the uber Portland Sunnyside Environmental School. It is ridiculously cute with its acre kickball lot and playground, 20s red brick exterior, and gardens surrounding the school for everything from the literacy garden (I'm guessing, since each plant has a letter next to it) to giant sunflowers growing outside almost every window. Needless to say, this place is cute, and slightly ideal. Then yesterday, just as I was approaching, I noticed not one, not two, but at least 10 sets of parents biking their kids to school. Most were on tandem bikes, and I gotta say, I almost fell over with the Portland-ness of it. It was one of those moments that I reconsidered maybe living here forever. I mean, I want to be able to bike my kids to school. Ah, Portland.

sick

I need healthcare. I have the opportunity for healthcare. I don't know if I can afford it. 

Here's the deal, after taxes my first biweekly paycheck came to a whopping total of $517 and some change. Sweet! I can actually live off of that. Then I was given information regarding health insurance (even the fact that it's offered for a gig like this, kind of blows my mind). Thing is it would skim $96 off of each paycheck. That's 20% of my income. Since my rent is $393, that would leave me with roughly $30 to make it to the middle of the month. With bills, cell phone, and car insurance, I can't afford that. But at the same time, I'm thinking, how can I afford not to? If I, heaven forbid, broke my leg, I'd be in debt up to my ears. But, $200 is a LOT of money when you're only bringing home about $1,000 a month. Sheesh. 

I know it's election season and the rhetoric is 'aflyin, but can I just say that it confounds and saddens me that although we live in the richest nation in the world we can't figure out a way to provide healthcare for our citizens. It's a basic right in my opinion as you can't very well pursue happiness with insurance companies hounding you for premiums you can't afford. Can we just elect Obama already? Please? 

Okay, I'll step down off my soap box, but I could really use some advice. I'm genuinely confused about what to do. Help oh sages of the blog-sphere! Help a woman in need!