fall

So, it appears it's been a whopping 6 weeks since my last post. Sheesh.

Tour is going swimmingly. Jon is great. The show is great. I love my job even though I'm looking forward to tour being over again. This weekend we did two shows of Peter and the Wolf with the Columbia Symphony Orchestra, and guess what kids? I was Peter! I really missed getting to be the duck (and the cat, and grandpa, and the bird...) but I think we kicked some major ass considering we only had 3 (count 'em THREE) rehearsals. Did I mention the second show was in Spanish? And that I got to be on Univision? This week and next it's back on the road.

Living situation = fantastic. Goose is the best room mate ever. I totally dig living in NE, and am quite in love with this little unfinished blue house. Set to intentionally hang out with Goose again soon seeing as that never happens anymore. He suggested it today after coming to see my show and it warmed my little heart. Yay happy living situation.

Spent a week in NYC with the sister and bro-in-law. Good to see them, but damn that is one tiny apartment. LJ made a veritable feast for both my birthday (southern style feast complete with homemade red velvet cake!) and Thanksgiving. Got to see Buck 5 times in one week which made my year.

Aaaaaand, back in Portland, there's a boy. All new, and totally official. He went to high school with my tour partner Jon and we met at a party a while back at his house. We've been dating just shy of a month and made things official this week. He's terribly kind, and considerate, silly, creative, smart, and comfortable. We fit and it makes me gushy happy. It's been a long time since I've felt this way. Like years. So that's all kinds of good.

And last but certainly not least, I've been asked to design and build puppets for a show in Chicago! For a professional theater! And I said yes! My good friend James is in grad school in Illinois and will be directing a new folk-punk musical called Stalk. It has puppets in it and he's asked me to do them. I've accepted and ridden the incredible rollercoaster of "holy shit how can I possibly pull this off?!? I've never done this before in my life! I have no idea what I'm doing..." to "hells yeah. I'm a pro and can totally do this in the key of AWESOME! I am competent and skilled" We're talking budgets and sketches, and it's actually happening. They're set for an October opening, so my entire summer (instead, alas of being at the cabin) will be spend designing and building the show between here and the Wagoner's basement. Then I've lined up a couchsurf with good friend Megan in Chi-town while I finish up building and teaching the actors to become puppeteers in early September, and then, who the hell knows? This is an absolutely amazing opportunity and I'm effing thrilled to be a part of this process.

So that's a rough sketch of the past month and a half or so. Basically, things are great and I'm continuing to excel at this life thing. Oh, and I had a birthday. I'm 25 now, so I guess that means I'm officially an adult. Who knew adulthood could look like this? Yippee!

all at once

Last week, I decided to be Joan from Mad Men for Halloween and dyed my hair red in a hotel room in Wenatchee, Washington. It, not surprisingly, looked like a four year old had done it, so Saturday I threw down some major cash to get it fixed. It looks pretty firey now, and I'm still adjusting to life as a red-head.

Sunday, Brian and Jon from work were super-heroes and helped me move into my new place. We, amazingly, did it all in one trip (except for a few things I'm going to pick up by car in the next week or so). I'm all moved in and loving living in NE. Goose is a fantastic room mate, $350 for rent is quite nice, and living 5 minutes to and from work is hard to beat.

Then, I got a bug in my brain in the past 24 hours about grad school. Part of it was looking up Deaf Theaters on a whim last night, part of it was looking at some of LJ's pics from grad school, and just thinking about what I really want to do. I've thought a lot about integrating puppets with Deaf Theater, but for some reason had always considered an entertainment/education model as opposed to an outreach program. Today, I started thinking about theater as a tool for education, community building, expression, and linguistic development for Deaf children. How naturally puppets and dance would fit into an outreach program. Also, that grad school would be the perfect forum to develop a model program for my thesis that I could potentially continue with grant support after receiving my degree.

So, I started looking at grad programs. Educational theater programs, interdisciplinary studies programs, MFAs in theater for youth... then I stumbled across this. First of all, just the name makes me drool. Performance as Public Practice? A phrase that succinctly describes my operating theory of creativity as a mode of being, expression, and engagement. Secondly, it seems to have the structure, context, and support I would need, while being open ended enough to allow me to develop my own program of study. Third, it's in Austin! A place I've already toyed with moving because it's close to family, and as a city is pretty stinking rad.

Phew. Exciting to say the very least.

To achieve my goals though, I still want to get certified as an ASL interpreter before moving forward with this, which at this point still means Atlanta for at least the next two years.

The cool thing, is that as I was thinking about applying, I realized that everything I've done up to this point actually contributes to this goal. Bread and Puppet, Playwright, Tears of Joy... I have learned about/participated in community engagement in theater, theater as a tool for social change, theater as a tool for personal development and growth, and entertaining and educational puppetry. I have experience leading workshops in puppetry, performance, movement, character, and playwriting. It is really pretty great to realize there really hasn't been a time since I left college during which I wasn't actively pursuing my insanely varied interests. All of which have lead me to here, now.

So, I'm really feeling in it right now. My ideas about the life and work I want to create are constantly evolving, and I've got to say realizing how all the pieces fit together is pretty neat.

the best thing that has happened to me in the past couple of weeks

My life has been all kinds of crazy in the past two weeks. When all is said and done Sunday evening, I will be a resident of the delightfully unfinished upstairs room at the Guzetta-Davies household. Yep, I'm moving in with Goose. It's a long depressing, stressful story so let's just focus on the happy ending.

And now, one of the things I will miss most next year when I am no longer employed by Tears of Joy. Mornings that start like this....

awake

I had the longest day of my life today, and I can't sleep for the life of me. 

I woke up at 6 did three shows at two different schools. That's two unloads, 3 shows, and two loads. Then drove home 4 hours. So, I basically worked from about 7 am to 8 pm. Drank beer while taking a very hot shower. Had house meeting where we told room mate we wanted her to move out. Other liked room mate told me she's looking for a new place within a couple of months. Cried. (not sad cried, stress at the "oh, my god not again with the new housemates. I am so tired of this ch-ch-changing everytime I pay rent" cried) And, now I can't sleep.

So, I just friended a bunch of people on facebook. After I cleaned house last year and whittled my 300+ friend list down to a slim 183, I realized I had been remiss in dismissing certain characters. And I'm bored. And it's midnight and I have a 7 hour drive tomorrow. So, why not? 

It's been a long time since I've been so tired I couldn't sleep and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. 

recently

Hey, so tour is revving up nicely. We've finally hit our stride with shows. Other than a few minor fiascos (like a puppet losing a foot midway through our first performance...) we're getting used to the show and life on the road again. It's funny returning to schools, some of which I remember clearly, some of which just blend together with every other school that looks the same. We're trying to tour differently this year too, cooking on the road (with a traveling kitchen comprised of a coffee pot, hot plate, toaster oven, and rice cooker), staying at cheaper places, and coming home as often as possible. AND, I've been bringing Scout on the road with me! It's kind of the best thing ever. He's super chill of course, and it's wonderful to have him with me/not have to worry about finding someone to watch him for me. So, yay work! 

Home life, however, not so great. The verdict is in on new room mate and it's that we all want her to be former room mate. I'm too tired to go into the details of the situation, but needless to say, it's pretty apparent that we want different things from a living situation, so come Tuesday (house meeting) we're asking her to find alternate living arrangements as of November 1. Sigh. On top of all that, one of my other two room mates that I really like, has also informed us that she's moving out. Her friend found a place that's apparently wonderful and 5 minutes from her work. While I am happy for her and completely understand, lord, am I tired of my living situation changing every 4-6 months. I haven't even lived here a year and a half and I've had 11 different room mates! ELEVEN. That's more than my four years of college combined. Sheesh! I guess that's what I get for living in mecca of young hip twenty-somethings always looking for the next big thing. Anyway, I just want to find a couple of folks who are clean and quiet and can pay rent. That is all I care about at this point. I can handle anyone for 8 months as long as they're clean and quiet. 

I've had a lovely quiet weekend at home (two room mates out of town, the other sick in bed). Full of movies (Autism: The Musical!, and Suddenly, Last Summer - both excellent), knitting, podcasts, reading, and catching up with friends. Went to see Funny People with Goose at the Laurelhurst today, and throughly enjoyed it. Have yet to see a Judd Apataw movie that I didn't like. This one was a little darker, but well done. I feel like his movies illustrate that life can be awkward, depressing, and funny at the same time. Good to hang out with Goose as always, and we ran into on of Dave's old room mates outside the theater! Yay small Portland. Also, it seems that seeing movies at Laurelhurst with Goose, which is turning into a weekly thing, is the only time I've been riding my bike lately, so yay for that. 

Haven't been to Quaker meeting in a while. Just haven't been feeling it. I think it's because I heard through the grapevine that some higher up committee was thinking of nominating me for a leadership position, but didn't directly inform me of it. For some reason this really rubbed me the wrong way. After a couple of weeks of thinking about it, I realized it was that that kind of organizational b.s. was one of the reasons I left the church a few years ago. That and the fact that about 20 people always tend to do everything to keep a religious organization running... I dunno. I'm not ready for expectations. If I feel called, yippee, but as soon as someone starts expecting me to step up, it feels too much like being the preacher's daughter all over again. Clearly I've got issues here I've got to figure out, but right now, I'd prefer to figure them out by sleeping in on Sunday mornings and drinking coffee and cleaning the bathroom. 

Boy situation is complicated to the point of silly. Was hanging out casually with a friend in town, but haven't been there in a couple of weeks while simultaneously developing friendship/flirtation/pen pal/phone conversations with a gentlemen in Atlanta. What? Yeah, that's kind of how I feel about it. 

So, let's see. October has thus far brought with it cooler temperatures, rain, the need for two new room mates, root vegetables for roasting, a delightful work situation, and a new knitting project (thanks to pretty wool from Marci!). Not bad. 

in short, good

Hey-o! Other than not getting any sleep last night, and having my second nightmare this month that I had to go back to high school ("NO! Really, I'm 24. I have a college degree. Seriously, why do I have to be here?!) lots of fantastic things are happening in my life right now including a pen pal, sunny weather, and finally deciding to move back south-ward next summer (holla y'all!). Right now I'm headed out on the road for our first tour stint. We have a beautiful beautiful pack that allows us to actually have visibility! And room for lots of groceries! 

But, since I don't have time for a full update I thought I'd share this. It made me smile.

swan dive

Another good week in the life of Hannah. 

Last Saturday included the second annual Nomadic Theatre's Cotillion and Pie Fight. Great fun as always. I spent a lot of time with those folks when I first got to town, but rarely ever see them anymore. Really fantastic to touch base with them. Especially with pie. That evening, I grabbed a beer at the Horse Brass with a friend who worked at TOJ last year, but has since moved on. Sunday I tabled all day at the Oregon State Fair for Love Makes a Family with the Young Adult Friends. Long day, but time well spent. 

Rehearsals are going fantastic. We added tech this week and watched ourselves on video, both went better than expected. Same old drama with management, but otherwise things are going swimmingly. 

Finally found a new room mate last Friday after 7 more interviews. She moved in Tuesday, and jury's still out. She's watching Scout for me this weekend (plus!), but also still has all of her boxes in disarray in the living room (sad face), and woke me up last night stomping around and talking LOUDLY to her boyfriend... I'm trying to be patient and open minded, but it will be good for me to get away this weekend.

Speaking of, Mom is en route to Portland as I type. When she gets here we're off to Britenbush for the weekend, and I'm beside myself excited. Two days of soaking in hot springs, a massage, and lots of reading and knitting. Should be stellar. 

Went to see Away We Go at Laurelhurst with Goose and Yael (friend of LJ's from Reed, who Goose has adopted into the fold). It was sweet, but it wasn't as good as it was trying to be. Still nice to go out, be social, and bike a bit. The best part was probably being introduced to the music of Alexi Murdoch. Think Nick Drake for the 21st century. Created a Pandora station for him and am enjoying it lots. Ah! and I found a new route to the Laurelhurst that includes a light at Belmont, and no hill. Huzzah!

Just doing a bit of laundry and getting things in order before Mom gets here. I'll be out of internet/cell phone range all weekend and can't wait. Happy Labor Day weekend folks!

monday morning

I had a good weekend.

ramblings of a lonely night

My life is uncomplicated. 

I have a lovely roof over my head, a comfortable bed, a sweet doggie, plenty of good food. Money is tight, but enough. I have a community, family, and friends who love and support me. I have a job doing what I love with some wonderful people. Check. Check. Check. Maslov would be proud. 

When things are going well, it gives one ample time to think of the big shit. Where am I going? Who am I becoming? What is this life that I'm building?

I just took Scout for a nighttime walk around my neighborhood. Things are quiet, but I can hear the lives of others going on around me. A few streets over people are going places. Next door, my neighbors are settling in for the night. 

My life is full. Complete? What is a complete life? 

I talk too much. I have always tried to fill the silence. And now, here I am in the silence filling a page. This has become a journal of sorts for me, so indulge, if you will dear reader, the ramblings of a lonely night. 

I have always been pretty self aware. A quality that serves me well in many facets but tonight is hard to turn off. I want to learn to shut up. I want to be a better listener. I want to be able to be present without the need to participate vocally. I feel painfully aware of my need to be found intelligent, relevant, quirky, interesting. I want to be. Just be. I know I have nothing to prove. Why do my adolescent tendencies sneak up on me when I am happy? It's like the habits of sadness remain after the feeling has gone. 

I am not yet the person I want to be. I'm okay with that, but can't sit with it. 

I like my life.

I love my life. 

It will change.

In a year, I may be living somewhere else. Doing other things. I know that's not remotely profound, but for some reason right now I am full of the bigness of that. 

I have no conclusion, but tonight I suppose that's a fitting place to stop. 

My week.

Started work. Found a couch. Ran a couple of times. Finished a book. Started a book. Happy hour with co-workers. Got over snot-in-my-face sickness. Went to bed early a lot. Started walking scout in the morning. Rearranged living room. Enjoyed living in a clean house (where the dishes are done everynight!) 

's about it folks. Things are going great, and I'm pretty darn happy. 

update, up what?

Yo, kids. Sorry for the delay. I've not posted because, honestly, not a lot has been happening. 

I subscribed to Netflix and have been watching copious amounts of movies (New faves: True Blood, and Weeds). I stuck to my plan of lounging around in bed, and it's been delightful. I picked up 5 new books from the library today, I've got two knitting projects going, I've been working on lines, and I'm finally got some momentum on the sasquach puppet I haven't worked on since April. I ran lights for a show over the weekend and have been spending lots of time with my room mates. Sadly, Anna will be leaving us, so the hunt for a new roomie is on and consuming lots of time. I'm trying to be more social, which meant breakfast and pedicures with one Ms. Sally Martin last week, as well as dinner and gelato with Goose. 

I'm just trying to enjoy my last week of freedom before I head back to work Monday, which I am also pretty stoked about. I love my job and the people I work with so much! 

So, my whirlwind summer is winding down, and honestly, I couldn't be happier about it. 

partly cloudy

I broke up with Joe on Wednesday.

After two months of telling people how amazing he is (and he is), we had one conversation and suddenly I had 20 reasons I didn't want to be with him.

Essentially, he's a pessimist and I'm an optimist, and kids let me tell you, that just doesn't work.

I'm sticking with my initial plan of staying in bed, with intermittent outings with room mates and cleaning rampages. 

I'm gonna be alright.

going home

Phew. 

I go home today with one sweet doggie, a couple of suitcases, a dislocated tailbone, and more memories than I can shake a stick at. 

I think processing (and recovering from) this trip is going to take a while, so once I get home early tomorrow morning my plans include bed, snuggling with scout, watching bad girlie movies on hulu, and sleeping. Repeat ad nauseum for a week.

maybe two. 

*edit: turns out I had an infected pilonidal cyst. gross, but feeling better after it ruptured. poppa took me to the ER at Emory and I got some antibiotics and still made my flight. Phew. 

still spending copious amounts of time in bed. 

austin, nola, birmingham, atlanta, athens, murphy, athens, atlanta (phew)

Austin! 

Spent a week on my Auntie's couch reading Wicked, swimming, eating, snuggling with doggies, and laughing a lot. Also spent some really great quality time with my mom's folks. LJ + Dave, and I spent an afternoon looking at pictures, telling stories, and remembering. I was especially excited to have a bit of one-on-one time with each of them. Talking about Joe, architecture, and gardening with Daddy Jack while drinking a beer in rocking chairs on their back porch. Looking through copious amounts of pictures, and memories, and pictures, and memories, and pictures with Grand Joyce. I'm lucky to have such fiesty grandparents. They help me redefine what it means to be 80. I've got some big shoes to fill. 

I spent a little over a week at Kathy's (more time than I've spent anywhere consecutively on this trip, and boy was it appreciated!). Since I was doing the drive home on my own, I broke it into two long days. The first day I drove to New Orleans and stayed with Miss Melissa Ann Clark of B&P fame. I hadn't seen her in 2 years, but she welcomed me into her sweet little home with open arms. We chatted and caught up a bit, and then I slept hard. The next morning we had croissants and coffee in the French Quarter before saying our aideus. I drove around NOLA a bit before heading out. It was depressing. The city seemed to be having a hard time keeping its head above water. Literally. 

From there I drove on to Birmingham for dinner with my friend Lauren Libero from UGA. We were in ASL together and she just moved to AL to start grad school. So good to see her and her beau. Her tongue is about the sharpest I've ever seen. Always good.

Then I continued on to Atlanta, and couch surfed (and by that I mean, stayed in a lovely guest room) with my friend Angie Nicovich Phiera. We have been friends since we met at Glisson when we were 11. How cool to see her rocking at adulthood. She's got her dream job doing Aquatic Recreational Therapy at the Shepard Center, married to her high school beau (I remember the first time she told me about him at Glisson!), and they have an energetic puppy named Bosco. Really neat to get to connect with her. (yay facebook!)

The next day I continued on to Athens and spent a lovely day with the lovely Megan Louise. She has become the friend I stay with when I'm in Athens, and I'm so appreciative that she's always so hospitable! We ate at transmet, drove around town looking at what's changed and what hasn't, then did happy hour at Flickr with Lauren and Matt Weeks! That turned into dinner at Clocked, and an evening that ended the way only evenings in Athens can. (it's really more like 1 degree of separation in Athens).

The next day, Meg and I got up ate at Ike and Jane (new uber cute bakery and donut shop where Black Forest used to be) and ran a few errands then went up to the cabin for a few days. In true cabin fashion, we ate good food, read, went and visited John C. Campbell, and watched movies (Man on a Wire was as good as I thought it'd be). Our doggies got to be doggies and ran and played and got excessively dirty. 

Friday we drove back to Athens and I spent the afternoon with Lori, Jackson, and James. Oh my gosh they are so big! Jack is 8 now and James is 5, which means James is older than Jackson was when I was their nanny. Sheesh! And what a talker James has become. He was barely verbal when I worked with them, and now he just talks and talks and talks. Jackson made me a sweet picture that says "Thank you for all the great days" and it made me wish I could still be a part of their lives on a more consistent basis. Le sigh. 

Friday night I went out to happy hour @ 283 and had a lovely cocktail, but the vibe just wasn't the same without my college crew there. Dad was in town because Nada's daughter Natalie and her husband were playing music at local eatery White Tiger off Boulevard. I went and had dinner with Dad, Nada, her son Keith and his girlfriend, and listened to Natalie and husband play. And you know what? It was nice. I was genuinely glad to see all of them, and they were all enthusiastic about me being there. I realized in the car on the way back downtown that I'm not angry anymore. I've been angry for a really long time. It felt really nice to realize I didn't have to carry that anymore. 

Later, I met back up with Lauren and we had some drinks before heading back to her place to work on our hit ukulele single, "When I said Aloha, I meant Goodbye." 

The next day, Lauren and I met back up and had lunch at Cali'n'Titos (veggie cuban how I've missed you!) before getting matching origami paper crane tattoos. Mine is on the top/inside of my right knee and hers is on the outside of her right calf. And let me tell you, I am done. No more tattoos for me. Do I have selective amnesia or something? This one either hurt more than the rest, or I'm just good at forgetting. Anyway, I love the tattoo, but I've reached my quota. Quatro. Finito. 

I was spent after that so we went back to her place and zonked out to a bollywood movie. I iced my tat and took some tylenol, but I really think it was the take-out that put me in a happy place. Sometimes I forget how amazing take-out is. Food. Food people bring to your house. Amazing.

I ended up staying at Lauren's into the late late night and D-ray came over. I made him laugh a couple of times, which I'm counting as a personal success. So good to spend time in person time with the lovely and amazing Ms. Lauren Benbrook. 

Sunday, Meggie Lou and I got up and did the sorority girl thing and had brunch at Last Resort. It blew my mind that we were eating at one of the best restaurants in Athens and nothing on the menu was over $8, in fact most were $6. We both ate entrees, split dessert, I had coffee and she had a mimosa all for $32. Damn. It made me miss Georgia in a whole new way. 

That afternoon, Scout and I headed for Atlanta. Nina and Brandon were stuck in Panama (such a Nina and Brandon story) so I tooled around my old stomping grounds in Decatur. I realized that the only places I ever went when we lived in Decatur were 1) our house, 2) school, 3) church, 4) Callanwolde. That's it. (well, the Miller's house too, but I didn't feel like trekking all the way out to Stone Mountain). There was a torrential thunderstorm, and since I hadn't heard back from Nina's roomie (I'd left him a note) by 7:30, I called Debye and Jody and ended up staying with them. It was really nice. I love having friends that actually, literally, feel like family. 

Monday I spent time with two old Callanwolde buddies, Helen and Gaelyn. Helen is recouping from shoulder surgery, but otherwise doing fine. Such a beautiful, vibrant soul! Gaelyn is also, living her life beautifully. It was so delightful to catch up with each of them (lunch with Helen, dinner with Gaelyn). 

Tuesday started the Puppet Festival, but that's a whole other entry. 

I hope to be done with the epic entries soon! Thanks for your patience for all who've made it this far!

old time religion revisited, then head west young (wo)man

Ah! Days at the cabin always pass much faster than anticipated. After a couple of lovely days of rest and repose, tasty food, and family time, LJ and I headed back to meet up with Daddy-o in Murrysville for biscuits (if you're ever in the area, Reid's Cafe is stellar), then LJ rode with Dad and I followed behind as we caravaned down to Whiteoak via Thomson. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd been down there, but it didn't really surprise me how little had changed. The gray sand, the squeaky snap of the screened door, the sweet air conditioned air juxtaposed with the liquid heat of the outdoors. Familiarity, even that which you are uncomfortable with, can be comforting.

We arrived earlier than Mee-mee had anticipated and had tomato sandwiches and fixin's for lunch. It was like I hand't really experienced summer in 12 years. South Georgia tomatoes are edible summer, sweet crimsion sunshine. Then we lazed about on the porch and caught up in that way that is mostly talking about the past. I played them a couple of songs on my uke.

Then Mee-mee sent Grand Dad into town to retrieve something or other from the house and shooed us out with instructions to look at the pictures she had on the stereo. Being at their house was even more surreal even though I was there as recently as Christmas of '07. The pictures she referred to were an arrangement of pictures from LJ's wedding next to pictures from Dad and Nada's wedding, next to pictures from their 50th anniversary party, next to a perplexingly placed (and oddly large) senior picture of Nada's son Keith. I made a comment under my breath about having worth when I get married someday... Then there was dealing with the whole seeing pictures around the house, one of which originally included mom, now edited out. And pictures of Dad and Nada filling in the empty places. Intellectually, I understand that, but seeing it manifest does something altogether different for the empty places inside me.

I digress.

Being in Mee-mee and Grand Dad's reality takes some mental fortitude and adjusting, and once I'd gotten over my little internal hissy fit we had just about the best visit we'd ever had. We got back to the campground in time for the most amazing of southern feasts. White acre peas, squash casserole, tomatoes, cucumbers, green beans, cantelope, angel biscuits, three types of meat, and four types of cake. I stuck to the vegetables and was in heaven.

After the meal, we got cleaned up and headed over to the Tabernacle for the evening service. It smelled exactly the same. Somewhere between the old musty Spiritual Life song books, sweat, and prayer. It was so easy to feel right at home fanning myself with an old funeral parlor fan, singing old hyms (Rock of Ages was the closest we got to any of my favorites), and listening to the harmonizing of the cicadias. Somehow though divine providence I picked up the one Spiritual Life Songbook that had been given by my grandparents in memory of our family. I opened up the cover to see pasted in old 80s font the names of my great-grandparents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, my parents, and my sister and I. It was almost enough to make me say "Amen" or at least "oh my stars." The sermon was old-school Methodist about being empowered by Christ, and taking care of your community, "what are your excuses when called by God? The one-and-only-may-his-name-be-priased." Afterward we shared a brief reunion with a few of our cronies from growing up at Whiteoak. All married. All with at least a couple of kids. All excited to see us, but still looking at us with that look of foreign awe that we got from being city kids in our youth, and I guess that we get for being city people still.

When we got back to the trailer, Dad headed back to Gwinett, and the four of us had dessert while Laura Jean quizzed our grandparents about their courship and life together. It was fun and easy and natural and good. I enjoyed listening. Just being hot and sleepy. Eating ridiculously sweet cake, and hearing the smiles in my grandparent's voices as they recounted their lives. We turned in a little after 10, and the same energy continued the next morning over another amazing meal. Real grits, (grits like no one but Mee-mee can make), more biscuits, eggs, fruit, sausage, coffee, and juice. We visited for about an hour and a half transitioning from what has happened to what is happening. Laura let them know a bit about her book, I talked a bit about puppeting.

And then we were off! With hugs and waves and you-be-safe-nows. Laura Jean securely behind the helm taking on the second of the two longest drives of the trip. I was more than happy to play navigator and co-pilot as I still have much driving to go. We did the insane thing and drove all the way to Austin because we are young and stupid. Yep, over 15 hours rocking out to Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace), and without a single fight or as much as a tift. We realized that LJ being an introvert and me being an extrovert are pretty much at the base of all of our issues. And those are things that aren't going to change. So as long as we can respect that, and realize that we're not intentionally hurting each other just expressing ourselves differently, we're good. 15-hours-in-a-car-together-good.

Friday we were up and had family lunch(with just about everybody minus Leslie and the working McElroys) at Matt's before crashing pretty severly. That night we just hung out at Kathy's, working on last minute touches to gifts for the grandparents. Jake wanted to go out, but as I am homebody of all home bodies, nearing broke, and tired as hell, I suggested we just get some beer and hang out by the pool, so that is exactly what Jacob, LJ + Dave, and I did and it was pretty freaking sweet.

The next morning after several glasses of water and a big cup of coffee, I was a human being again and the day of celebrating GJ squared times 60(Grand Joyce and Grand Jack's 60th wedding anniversary) began with a start. Kathy organized us all to serenede them with a rousing rendition of "String of Pearls" (their song) on kuzoo. It was quite delightful and we were all in stitches. Then it was off to Moonshine for a delicious celebratory lunch (I did a toast), and then back to Kathy's for gifts and cake. Mom organized a family quilt (we each made a 1" square), the McElroy ladies tiled a garden bench with their handprints, David and Lynne gave them fancy edibles, but the icing on the cake was LJ and Dave's. LJ collected stories and photos from each family member, edited them and Dave designed, and made (by hand) a beautiful book entitled "60 Years of Adventures in the Hollingsworth Family." They spent collectively over 130 hours working on it, and even made copies for all the children.

Daddy Jack cried. Everyone cried. Then, punctuated only by the eating of cake, and taking of some family pictures, we read. We read every last story in the book. They said it was the best day of their lives, and I was humbled and delighted to be here for it. I have learned so much from them and their marriage. Sometime later, I may even post what I wrote for the book, but that's another entry entirely...

So we've been hanging out in Austin. Eating well, of course as we are wont to do. I've been spending lots of quality time with Auntie Kathy and the dogs and am determined to move here before Laura Jean and Dave so that I won't be following them here. (They're off Atlanta and on Austin in a major sort of way). I'll be here for the weekend before heading back to Atlanta via NOLA.

Then, about a week split between the cabin and Athens, and a week in Atlanta for the puppet conference and a few reunions then I'm back to Pdx to try and make some sense of this crazy summer.

I am so thankful to have been blessed with such enlivening, loving, supportive, and expressive family and friends. Taking this trip has been good for my soul in so many ways, but nothing has blessed me more than simply spending time with people who mean so much to me!

nyc, north cakalack, ath and back again

The epic trip continues!

So, on the way down to NYC, we stopped over in Hartford so I could check out UConn's puppetry MFA. We pulled up to the puppet building (about 10 miles away from the rest of campus), I was instantly unimpressed. I knew that just about everyone was down in Waterford for the O'Neil conference, but I'd hoped someone would be there. That someone just happened to be John Bell, a puppet expert extraordinaire and old Bread and Puppet alum who I'd met on the farm 2 years ago. I'd known that he was in charge of the museum at UConn, but hadn't expected to see him. I recognized him on sight and reintroduced myself to him. He told us the museum was closed, but invited us in and turned on all the lights for us. It was really sweet, and I particularly enjoyed their toy-theater exhibit. It was a cute little museum, and John was offering to write a letter of recommendation before I left, but I have to admit, I was throughly underwhelmed. I'm leaning heavily toward continuing to work and perhaps apprentice with someone or start my own company.

Then we drove on to New Jersey, stopping in New Haven for dinner to avoid traffic. We spent a lovely evening with Linda, my maternal grandmother's cousin. She provided tasty brownies, a comfy bed, and even let us do an epic load of laundry (MUCH needed and appreciated!) In the morning we took the George Washington bridge into the city and met up with LJ and Dave. Parking the car became a bit of an ordeal, but once that was taken care of, our visit was delightfully low-key. We ate some pizza at their favorite local place, walked the doggies in the park nearby, but mostly just hung out. I'd been to New York before and so mostly just wanted to spend time with them. That evening we rode the subway into Times Square and tried to score last minute rush tickets to Avenue Q but even the discounted ones were $67, which was more than any of us were willing to pay. So, we just went to dinner at this neo-retro diner and went back to the apartment and watched a movie. The next day we slept in, and then Jose ventured out to visit a couple of green non-profits he was interested in and I helped LJ pack and get ready for our trip. That night, Harrison (Buck), my best friend from high school came over for dinner, and it was SO good to see him. It'd been two years since we'd seen each other, and we'd probably only talked 4 or 5 times on the phone. It's just so relaxing to be around people who know you. Who know your history because they were there. People with whom there's nothing to explain. He's loving city life and working in a research lab at Columbia and seeing patients (somehow, I'm not really sure how this works since he still hasn't been to med school) while applying to med schools and trying to figure out what's next. Basically succeeding at this whole adulthood thing, which is good to see. And, it just so happens we'll be in Austin at the same time in a couple of weeks, so we're going to get to spend July 4th together too!

The next morning, LJ, Joe, and I left around 6 am for the cabin. LJ was jazzed to drive and wanted to get there as soon as possible so she ended up driving the whole way, which I was nothing but pleased about. In Tennessee, we stopped for some Chick-fil-a (yeah, I'm a mostly vegetarian right now, but how could I pass up Chick-fil-a?) and I had a delightfully giddy exchange with the two high school girls working the drive through. I enjoy being chatty with service people, and Joe's never understood it, so not only was that a delightful exchange for me, but illuminating for Joe. Then we went over to Subway to get something for Joe (he's sticking to his pescatarian guns), and it was the first awkward/negative experience of the trip down. The two women working were both oddly cold and terse with us. I don't know if it was because I just exude "outsider" (although both my tattoos and underarm hair were covered), or if it was because Joe is brown, but it made me uncomfortable. It also surprised me and didn't at the same time.

We arrived at the cabin a bit worse for wear around 10 that night and spent the following day eating, sleeping, and reading. It was positively delightful. There aren't words to describe how nice it was to be home.

Laura Jean's childhood friend Beverly came up for a slumber party with LJ, and we all took off early the next morning to meet our respective fathers for breakfast in Murraysville, just south of Dahlonega. We arrived a bit later than anticipated, but Dad was patient and excited to see us. We at biscuits as big as softballs and he got a cursory interview with Joe. After that we took off to Athens, where Jose and I met my dear friend Lauren for lunch at the Grit. Mmmmm. Both as good as I remembered. SO good to see Lauren, heart of my heart. She's just one of the most unpretentious, witty, comfortable, delightful human beings I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Being friends with her is like a good hug: warm and comfortable and comforting, and slightly (delightfully) awkward at the end wondering who is going to let go first. And then she pinches you in the butt.

Then we met up with Mom and Greg, and LJ, and the Aldermans (only parentals + Kristen) and got pedicures. Random, but enjoyable. Then we convinced mom to get a hotel room for the night so that all 8 of us would have a place to get dressed and she and Greg and LJ could crash for the night.

Then we were off to Matt's wedding at the Classic Center. It was hot in a lovely way and the ceremony was utterly Matt Giesler. Hip, evangelical, uber-Christian. There was a lot more "you will respect each other" than I'd expected, although the ceremony was not without the scriptures about wifely submission that made just about everyone in our party stiffen and take a sharp intake of breath. It was really fantastic to see most-of-us from all-of-us, which was one of the main reasons I went. Joe and I also danced up a storm, which was utterly fantastic.

He and I ducked out and headed to Atlanta around 10 which put us in at Nina's around midnight. We both crashed immediately, but were up in time for a tasty breakfast prepared by our lovely hostess. So good to see, even if only briefly, Nina and Brandon, although I suspect their joy of seeing me was leveled by they euphoria at getting to see Scout.

I took my Jose to the airport the next morning with only a few tears. He was off to Portland to start his next term (the very next day). What an amazing gift to get to spend such quality time together. Lots (LOTS) of growth can come from long stretches of driving. He's a fantastic travel companion, and I'm so thankful he could join me for even a fraction of this trip.

Then I headed back to Athens where LJ and Mom and Greg were doing some shopping. I wasn't in the mood entirely, but endured. Eventually Mom and Greg headed to the cabin and LJ and I hung out a bit waiting to hear from the Lanford boys with whom we'd been planning on going camping with. My blood sugar had gotten low so I decided to hit up Taco Stand on Milledge for a burrito (tofu with peppers and onions extra hot- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) and who should I find there behind me in line but Daniel Ray (D-RAY!) of Earth Fare fame. We caught up briefly and it was the best part of my day.

LJ and I headed to Dahlonega in anticipation to hear from the Lanfords and had an epic figure-out-the-shit-of-our-relationship fight/conversation. It lasted several hours, included me crying in a Wal-Mart bathroom, followed by us continuing to have conflict in the frozen foods asile only to come out of that monstrosity to see 15 (I kid you not) self-righteously indignant Dahlonega locals croweded around our car ready to give us a talking to about leaving out dogs in the heat for 2 hours. (We'd been inside maybe 30 minutes). Then as we were driving out of the parking lot we got pulled over and spoken to in the most clieched patronizing way by a state trooper the concerned mob had called.

Yay for having Oregon plates in rural Georgia.

It was enough to squealch any desire I'd had about moving back to Atlanta. Any.

Anyway after that whole ordeal, we were both beyond exhausted mentally and emotionally and as we still hadn't heard from the Lanfords, decided to head up to the cabin. Just as we were rounding Blood Mountian, they called, apologetic, I explained the situation and invited them up to the cabin if they were up for it. They were! So, all 3 Lanford boys came up and we had a lovely late night. They left early this morning to get Eeph to the airport.

So now we've got a couple of days in Murphy before heading off on the next adventure. I had hoped to get to see my dear friend Helen in the next couple of days, but unfortunately she is having trouble getting back to the states due to immigration troubles in Indonesia. Oh dear! Sad not to be getting to see her this trip, but that just means that when we do finally have our long-overdue reunion it will be epic! E-P-I-C!

Here's to sleeping in, eating tasty food, and reading in a hammock overlooking those lovely mountians!

good times in the green mountain state

So, after a long day of driving, we arrived in Pittsburgh and spent a lovely evening and early morning with a couple of Joe's friends from Miami, Andy and his girl friend Erica. Pittsburgh, contrary to my previous assumptions, is a beautiful city. It is home to 7 colleges and universities, and since the steel boom happened in the late 1800s/early 1900s, the architecture is absolutely lovely. Andy and Erica had a comfortable (albeit narrow) couch, and Andy fixed us a beautiful breakfast. 

Then, after stopping into a market for some lunch and snacks for the road, we were off. We attempted to avoid tolls, since they had been quite expensive the day before, but this ended up making our route ridiculously indirect and longer than we'd anticipated. We left Pittsburgh around 10, and rolled into Burlington around 10:30. That drive tested our map reading and team working skills, and I am happy to say we prevailed awesomely. I cannot tell you how excited we were to see Vermont. 

Sunday morning, we got up early and I dropped Joe off at the UVM campus so he could check the place out and I headed over to Burlington Friends Meeting for my first Quaker experience of the trip. It was an absolutely wonderful experience and I even met someone who is currently in the program Joe is interested in. Then we met up for lunch downtown and afterwards headed out to Glover. When we arrived at Bread and Puppet around two hours later, I was surprised and comforted by how quiet it was. I saw Diana and Suzy stomping clay and said hi to them on our way into the museum, then I showed Joe around the farm. The New Building, the garden (which looks AMAZING), the print shop, the circus field, the pine forest... Along the way, I ended up seeing all of the current puppeteers (all gearing up for the internship, cleaning, and hanging out), and unexpectedly Jenn and Justin and their kids (a family of homesteaders from Maine who were around a lot the summer I was there and have come back so that Jenn can be the cook this summer). It was really amazing to share with Joe, since it was such a formative place for me and I reference my time there frequently. It was good to see everyone and let them know what I'm up to. It was wonderful and kind of delightfully anti-climactic. Strange to be in a place that hasn't changed much, when I've changed so much. That was somehow reassuring and gave me a sense of closure I hadn't known I'd needed. It was also so great to see Jenn and Justin, (who both remembered my name!) because they can participate in B&P but still have their own sense of reality outside it. 

Around 6, we headed over to West Glover to Parker Pie for some tasty pizza and then back in the car most of the way back to Burlington to stay at a lovely little pet friendly Bed and Breakfast in Caimbridge Village. It was a beautiful old victorian house with all original fixtures, and most importantly, a very comfortable bed. After a great breakfast this morning, we are on our way to Madison, New Jersey today to spend the night with my grandmother's cousin who lives there. 

Joe's currently talking with some professors at UVM, and we're going to stop in Hartford so I can check out UConn's puppet program. All in all it looks like another long day, but I couldn't be happier about my touring companions or itinerary. Tomorrow, we're headed into NYC to spend a couple of days with LJ and Dave, which I am beside myself excited about. 

Send us some good vibes for safe travel. Much love to all from the road!

All things go

A sunny day in Chicago is hard to say goodbye to. Joe and I have had a wonderful week here. Here are the highlights:

Joe's flight was quite delayed, but he finally got here around noon on Tuesday and we did lunch at the tasty vege-tastic Chicago Diner. He had to finish up final for his online econ final, so he met up with one of his bestest friends from Loyola, Brent and they went off to a coffee shop to work. We met up later and they showed me Loyola. It is such a beautiful campus. I loved the art deco architecture, and I wish I had had my camera with me. Oh well. Then we had some crazy good Indian food on Devan and then went to a hip hop show at the Abbey Pub. Meg and Moses joined us for the show but left before the headliner, Mr. Lif took the stage because they were spent. It was a really fun show, but my favorite was just watching Joe. I have never seen him that happy-- ever, which of course made me really happy.

Wednesday we got a bit of a late start, but had some amazing Ethopian  (yeah, we mainly ate... a lot here), and then he checked out a couple of Green non-profits he'd looked up and spent some time in Pilsen, his favorite neighborhood in the city (artsy leftist latinos). Then Meg and I cooked up a Southern storm for a birthday dinner for her. Fresh creamed corn, collards, cheddar biscuits, and black beans and rice. It was a feast! 

Then yesterday we hit up the infamous Soul Veg on the southside, and after all of Joe's testimonies, it really did change my life. Unfortunately, I got stuck in the WORST traffic on my way back up to the Northside (it took me 2 hours! blah). So, I just hung out at Meg's and did some stuff like book Scout's flight home. Then I took the El into the city, and met Joe and Brent for a live outdoor taping of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me in Millennium Park. I've enjoyed my time in Chicago, but I didn't really get it until I took the Brown line into downtown. It was so beautiful and vibrant. The radio show was super fun, and afterwards we went out for some deep-dish and then they showed me Wicker Park and Ukrainian Village before we crashed hard. 

Today we're off to Pittsburgh (our half-way mark to Vermont), to stay with one of Joe's good friends from Miami. Yay!

Land of Lincoln!

I cannot express how much I am enjoying being in Illinois!

After a positively delightful lunch Friday with Carly and her lady love Jan in Iowa City, I drove to Normal, Il. James and Erica have a precious little house and life, and it was such a joy to spend the weekend with them. We ate good food, visited the farmer's market, ate good food, walked, read, knitted, ukulele/guitar played, napped, ate good food, and had some great conversations (did I mention that we ate well?). Since we spent Labor day at the cabin three years ago, Scout and their dog Jack were already buddies. Their lovely fenced in back yard was like a vacation for Scout! I could tell he was very much enjoying not being in the car too. 

Yesterday afternoon I drove up to Chicago listening to Sufjan Steven's C'mon feel the Illinois! and thinking more about the shadow puppet show I'm doing for my grand parent's 60th wedding anniversary party in Austin. It is so SO flat here! Kind of ridiculous. But! I arrived around 3 and got a little lost finding Megan's apartment, but no worries. SO good to see her and be here! I haven't seen her since B&P tour ended a year and a half ago! So we walked around her neighborhood and at a cute little outdoor cafe. I met her bf (who as it turns out has a startling amount in common with Joe...) and we got to gush about being happy.

This morning I cleaned and organized her apartment as a gift for letting me stay here and am now off to walk Scout and explore the neighborhood! 

(aaaaaaand Joe will be here tomorrow and I'm beside myself excited.)

boo couchsurfing and rich folks, yay trees and visiting people!

So, my couch surfing karma was not with me this week. Jon and I had lots of positive experiences using couchsurfing.com on tour this year to hook up places to stay, but I had two people fink out on me at the last minute this week. The guy in Boulder never gave me his contact info, so at 9 o'clock at night frustrated and confused, I just drove away from Boulder. Granted, Scout and I had a good day in Boulder. It's a pretty little college town nestled in the mountains. We hiked a bit, but mostly just lounged around and visited the farmer's market. I realized though, that, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I don't really like rich people. My first reflection was that I didn't like rich liberals, which there are plenty of in Boulder, but no, I just don't like rich people in general. After spending time in Jackson and then Boulder, I was thinking about it a lot. It just makes no sense to me that someone can spend $1,000 on a handbag or a coffee mug or whatever when there are folks who don't have food. Or healthcare. I guess I'm more of a socialist than I thought. 

I got to Fort Collins and stayed in this precious little road side motel that reminded me of something out of It Happened One Night. Small and shabby but clean and cheap ($50!), it was a total find. Then, since my couchsurf from Omaha took a last minute trip to Vegas with her sister (whatevs), I drove all the way to Des Moins last night. That means that, yes, I drove ALL the way across Nebraska yesterday. It's funny, because I'd been dreading Nebraska in particular, but enjoyed it MUCH more than Wyoming or Eastern Colorado because it had trees! Lovely little trees across the farmland that made it much more bearable to look at. 

Today, I'm off to Iowa City to have lunch with my friend Carly from Athens and then onto Normal to visit James and Erica! Yay reunions!

Oh, and on a side note, I haven't held all that well to the not drinking thing. I realized that what I don't enjoy is getting drunk. I had a glass of wine last night after driving for 10 hours and it was quite lovely. That is all. Carry on.

wyoming: not a fan

I drove across Wyoming yesterday. Talked to Momma and LJ on the phone who both informed me that they were crazy jealous of what I was doing, which I didn't quite understand at first. That is, until I felt like singing and pumped up and belted out some Dar Williams as I covered the plains. That was a pretty amazing feeling. Overall though, Wyoming = not my favorite state. I can appreciate that there are still places in America that there are stretches of great big nothingness, where you have to be careful and get gas when you can because the next station may be 60 miles down the road... but... for example: I tried stopping for dinner in Laramie, because I was thinking, "Okay, all I  know about Laramie is that Matthew Shepard was brutally killed here for being gay, but it's a college town, so there must be at least a decent place to eat." NO. One of the most depressing little towns I've ever driven through. I got to Cheyenne before I could not drive any more and watched the National Spelling Bee finals on ESPN. 

Today is a vacation day. I'm driving the hour and 1/2 to Boulder, and just hanging out. I've got a couch surf lined up for tonight and will be headed to Omaha tomorrow. Here's to vacation!

*edit: Oh! and I started reading the Sookie Stackhouse southern vampire series the last couple of weeks on the road, until I realized they were thoroughly mediocre but I was willing to keep reading because I wanted to find out what happened next and then I realized that's how those sci-fi bastards keep you reading a series and I walked away. Phew. (As a side note, I find the HBO series TrueBlood based on the books, highly enjoyable and a huge improvement. It's amazing what Alan Ball can do with a good idea). So, when I walked away from Sookie, I (yes, I'll admit it) went to hear what all the Twilight fuss was about, and let me tell you they are awful. I say they, because of course I got sucked in to reading the second book and the third on audio even though they thoroughly piss me off. The gender dynamics, (I'm a girl, I'm weak and annoyingly self-depreciating, and whiny and fragile I need a big strong dead man to take care of me), view of love (I would DIE without you), sexuality (I want it, but we can't because I'll die) BARF. Thankfully, Laura Jean to the rescue found me this site: http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html so that I could read with sardonic glee that a) I was not the only one who felt this way about these books, but just had to keep reading and b) I do not have to suffer through the fourth book just to find out what happens. I'm back on Neil Gaiman and feeling very good about it. I'm listening to Neverworld right now, and downloading American Gods for later in the trip. 

Sorry about that, but what is a blog for if not a good rant?

yellowstone, cloudy tetons, and jackson

So, as planned, I drove through Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks yesterday. For some reason in my mind, I had confused Yellowstone and Yosemite and was expecting El Capitan and got Old Faithful. Meh. I remember being relatively unimpressed by the stinky, although beautiful, hot water last time I was here (what, 15 years ago?) and spent most of my time in Yellowstone taking pictures of buffalo. 

Speaking of Bufflao, Scout and I were pulled over on the side of the road checking a rather large herd out and they make this funny almost mooing sound. Well Scout didn't know what to make of that and growled, and barked! Okay, maybe not barked, but tiny "roof! roof!"s that were a trip. Ah, my silly dog.

Then Grand Teton National Park was underwhelming as the mountains were completely socked in. It was a nice drive, but because it's raining today, I've decided not to go back to the parks and head on down the road instead. 

Jackson is a precious little town. An interesting mix of old neon and Eddie Bauer, antlers and boutiques. From what I gather, a lot of rich liberals, ski bums, and a artsy folks live here. I really like that it's a town of less than 9,000 people, but they have a beautiful arts center, lots of biking, and a neighborhood just behind downtown fully of tiny cute houses. I think small houses are underappreciated and they make me happy. 

So, I'm headed to Boulder. A day ahead of schedule, I may just take it easy and stop somewhere along the way if I get tired. I have secured couch surfs in both Boulder and Omaha, which is awesome! I've enjoyed a couple of days and nights to myself, but it will be nice to be social. 

I'm settling into being on the road. It's so completely different from work. It's very relaxing, and liberating, and only the nights are lonely. I can appreciate that though. I'll have plenty of company soon enough, and being able to snuggle with Scout makes up for a lot. 

Love to all!

good morning idaho falls!

So, after an anxious night's sleep, eeeearly breakfast with my Quaker girls on my sunny front porch, and good byes too my roomies, I got on the road around 9:15 yesterday morning. It was a beautiful day in Portland and I listened to the Avett Brothers as I drove out 84. I was planning on staying with a friend's parents in Caldwell, but to my surprise, arrived there around 4:30 and wanted to keep on down the road. I got to Mountain Home, consulted my atlas (EXCELLENT last minute purchase from Powell's) and decided to head on hwy 20. Turns out, there's not a whole lot between Mountain Home, ID and Idaho Falls, ID other than big stretches of pretty nothingness. And a trippy place called Craters of the Moon that, yep the name is rather descriptive, looks like the surface of the moon. So I drove on to Idaho Falls, putting me about a day ahead of schedule as I'm now only around 2 hours from Yellowstone. I've decided to head north on 20 and enter Yellowstone from the north west entrance and then spend the day driving south to Jackson. Then tomorrow, I'll have a whole day to go back and explore more or head on to Boulder if I want. I've spent the morning trying to arrange last minute couch surfs in Boulder and Omaha. Then Friday, I'm looking forward to some familiar faces; lunch with college buddy Carly in Iowa City and a couple of days with my hs drama teacher and his wife in Normal, Illinois. Scout is a fantastic traveling companion as always and I'm already enjoying the delightful changes in scenery of this beautiful country. Yesterday the Gorge melted into desert of eastern Oregon, and then the flat plains surrounded by lovely mountains of Idaho. Lots of beautiful farmland, blue sky, and mountains, mountains, mountains. Yay for excellent beginnings! 

(*and to all who are worried, I'm safe and sound and the car is running great... if that wasn't immediately obvious from above post. quit yer frettin')

big gulp

Wow, the last week has been a total blur. 

Last Friday, Jon and I had our last show. It was bitter sweet. About half-way through I really realized that I'd never get to do it again. We've done something like 150 shows! The end of an era. We took a bunch of pictures after the show, and celebrated at the Horse Brass with our fellow puppeteers once we got back to stump-town.

In other news, I've decided to stop drinking for a while. I know this is probably really bad timing seeing as I'm about to embark on a road trip where I'm going to want to celebrate reunions all over the country, but basically, it's expensive, not that great for me. Meh? We'll see.

Over the weekend, Joe and I took a fantastic day trip to the coast (a little precursor to the big one coming up). Other weekend activities included teaching Joe how to drive a stick shift and enjoying the delicious sunshine that has been drenching Portland recently. 

This week, I've been getting things in order for my trip. I've decided to leave on Sunday rather than Monday because I think I was cutting my timeline a little close. That way, I'm going to give myself an entire week to get to Chicago. If you're interested in my updated calendar you can see it here: http://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=annahhay%40gmail.com&ctz=America/Los_An

geles 

I've been just writing lists, and trying to cross all my t's so that I don't forget anything. Strangely it hasn't been stressful at all. I guess I already did most of the work, but I still feel like I'm forgetting something because this is so easy.

Eeeeee! I can't believe I'm leaving so soon. I'm so excited about seeing friends and family and the big beauty of this great nation. Expect frequent updates from the road, and if you so desire, give me a call. I'll have LOTs of time on my hands. 

holy jamole

I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone. Only two shows left, about two weeks from my departure date for my trip, and I've started reading science fiction about vampires. What?! 

big picture stuff

Wow. A whole month without a post. 

I could write here about mom's visit and how we learned a lot, loved a lot, and differentiated a lot. Or how 5 blissful days of real spring (read: 70s and sunny complete with birdies and flower buds) have reminded me why anyone lives in this town the other 8 months of the year. Or how I completed a really fun run of a great show in a real theater downtown (complete with huge and unflattering picture of yours truly in the paper). Or how my office has the crappiest management style ever, but that I am still coming back to work there next year. Or that I'm really getting excited about my trip this summer, especially the fact that Joe gets to come along from Chicago to Atlanta. But none of that is where I'm at right now, so I'm not gonna write that post. 

The past few days I've been feeling, and I mean in the depths of my bones, the need to reorganize, refocus, reevaluate. I realized that I'm unhappy. All the big stuff is in order: great house (check), sweet boy (CHECK), great job (check), but the details, the little stuff, is falling apart (or already has and I'm just now realizing it) and it's bringing some of the big picture stuff to the forefront. 

Yes, I love my job and I am thrilled about touring with Jonathan again next year, but the fact is that touring prevents me from leading the life that I want (building community, having routine, taking classes, etc.) It makes it very difficult for me to feel healthy physically or emotionally. This is a challenge that I still haven't figured out yet. 

Yes, I have good housemates and the sweetest little house ever but I've realized that we really are more housemates than friends and that I would really like the house to be cleaner. (big surprise, right? Spring cleaning happening tonight, which I am hoping will reset these feelings). 

Yes, Joe is so great, but the future is always on my periphery, and is constantly changing. I had started looking ahead with Joe in mind. Partially because I care deeply about him and can genuinely see building my life with him, and partially because LJ got engaged when she was 24, and hell's bells everyone I freaking know is getting married or already is. But you know what? Even though I've always expected that I would get married and have babies and unconsciously believed that those two things would be the end all be all of my life, I AM SO NOT THERE. And I don't know when or if I will be. That's right, if. I'm trying to deconstruct all of these assumptions I've had about what my life will be like, and it's hard. Hard. Joe is amazing, and I am so thankful and humbled to have him be in my life, but where we are right now has to be enough, and it is. I just have to stop getting ahead of myself. 

So this is what I want; it's not a new list or even that revolutionary, but I'm finding that my oscillation between having my shit together and having it scattered to the winds happens often enough that having it written down never seems to hurt. 

I wan to be healthy. I want to be physically active and capable and expressive. I want to eat foods that I enjoy and fuel my body. I've started running, and am hoping to carry this through the summer and tour next year. 

I want to be dancing and/or trapez-ing. If I'm not, a part of my soul dies. Period. 

I want to be exercising my mind. Since discovering holds at the library I've been reading a lot. I've already read more books this year than I did all last year. Check plus for me.

I want to get certified as an ASL interpreter. This is priority numero uno after next year's tour. 

I want to live near family. Austin, Atlanta, or Western Carolina. 

I want to be creative everyday. New ukelele is awesome and helps in this department. Also, determined to have a knitting project on my needles at all times. 

I want to connect. I miss having a solid community of friends, and think this is just about the most important thing in life. 

I want to be a professional puppeteer. Check. Considering alternatives for life after Tears of Joy. Center for Puppetry Arts? UConn for MFA? Start my own company? 

Phew. I just hung a bunch of pictures in my room of friends from college, and bread and puppet, and family and honestly, it helps just to have those faces around me. Reminding me that I can do this, I have done it before and will do it again, and I am not, I am NOT alone. 

in town

Yay, I'm in Portland for a month and it makes me happy. 

List of things that make me happy:

1) getting to see Joe! (even better when he makes me breakfast, we work on my bike, and watch math documentaries in between searching the depths of our souls and growing emotionally and all that). He is rad (and brilliant, and silly, and focused, and so kind and loving and considerate. I'm a lucky Hannah.)

2) Scout! (a very close second to the bf. even better to catch the two of them snuggling.)

3) the library! I've become a voracious reader lately thanks to the library and this lovely little thing called putting things on hold. I've read 4 more books by Chris Bohjalian this month, David Sedaris' newest collection, and just started Derrick Jensen's A Language Older Than Words. (I felt obligated to make a list as I've not updated my GoodReads page in ages.)

4) BIKING. 

5) Getting to perform in a real theater. Like with fancy lights and a black floor and seats that people pay for. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job bringing the puppets to the kids in cafetoriums across the land, but I've gotta say, it's pretty freakin' sweet to be treated like a professional every once and again.

6) My house. My bed. My kitchen. My lovely housemates. Having a home and a community. 

happy happy Hannah. Life is good.

yesterday was the best

Yesterday we did a show at a school with the Deaf Education program for the county so I not only got to do 2 shows (WITH WORKING EQUIPTMENT, rock on), but I got to go to their classroom and introduce them to the story and puppets in ASL. Followed by a lovely drive back up to Bellingham, tasty food, good cheap wine, chattin' on the tele-phone with the bf, and socialization with Amanda and friends, and bed-time Dr. Who. Purdy awesome.

Starting with Sunday, I'm in town for a month. More awesome.

Now, onward post-sleeping in brunch and two more shows. Huzzah!

jonesin' for the southland

So, last night after I'd checked into a crappy hotel in ARMPIT OF AMERICA otherwise known as Puyallup, Washington, I flicked on the tele to zone out. Yeah, this is why I don't own an idiot box, because I'd actually do this more frequently if I did. Regardless, I was flipping through, and came across a travel show about hot dogs... Yup, hot dogs. And in the intro they showed a clip from the Varsity (of course) and so I watched a 30 minute show about hot dogs just to watch the 5 minute segment about the Varsity. And I nearly cried. For serious. 

It continues to amaze me that I actually miss Atlanta at all, and how sharp that's getting. Granted I haven't visited in over a year, but still. The list I could make about things I hate about that place is loooong, but today I had the funny thought that I might actually end back there someday. And that wouldn't be the end of the world. It's kind of how I thought I would never in a million years go to UGA and then ended up having a really great experience there. It would amuse me to no end if I made a home for myself in the place that I can't stop running from. 

Ya see, besides a cache of my favorite people in the world living there, there is the minor bit about the Center for Puppetry Arts being there. Yeah, like THE place for puppets in the 'ole US of A. Ironic, huh? Ah, this life thing, never fails to surprise me. 

I am counting the days until my roadtrip (constantly evolving, new update: Not doing the O'Neil. One puppet conference is enough for this summer). I am at a weird place in Portland. I have realized that it actually makes me uncomfortable to be living in a place not only of such uniform thought, but thought that so closely aligns with my own. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm craving some conservatives. Girl needs to be challenged. Girl needs some diversity, ya herd? Also, I'm not exactly deepening the connections I have here (because I'm working all the damn time, and honestly the only people I see these days are Joe, my housemates, work folks, and folks from Meeting all of whom I love, but still...). At the same time all of these people that I love, and I mean that in a would walk-in-front-of-a-bus-for kind of way, aren't here. And I'm barely maintaining friendships with them. The time difference really messes with my ability to keep up with people, and I've just done a crappy job at it of late. Le sigh. Needless to say, I am Very VERY excited about this summer and can feel my expectations rising like a thermometer in Georgia in July. 

So if you're reading this, and live far away, this is for you. A little love letter from my little rainy home away from home. I don't think I could have said it better than my beautiful, talented, makes-me-laugh-'til-I-snort, kindred spirit friend, Lauren. Big love, y'all. Big love.

overworked and unafraid

So, I haven't had 2 consecutive days off in over a month. I'm tired. A bit cranky. My batteries need rechargin'. Even those of us who love what we do can't do it ALL THE FEAKING TIME. Ahem. Did I mention cranky?

Next month is looking better. Had a little chat with my boss. Everyone is afraid of her because Sweet Momma J has a few Jeckyl/Hyde tendencies. I am really not afraid of her. This makes me a bit of a minority in my office.

Planning to try to get away next weekend perhaps. Dipping into savings for my own sanity seems worth it right now. (A note: the only way I have any savings right now is that I've got some crazy generous grandparents, aaaaand once I put money in my savings account I pretend it's not there. Until times like these, that is.)

I needs sleep and love. Sleep and love. Is that too much to ask for? I think not.

busy busy, road trip, good stuff

Hey, so guess what? I'm busy. Big surprise there. 

So, my life is split between rehearsing, performing, unloading and loading vans that break (two last week alone), learning lines, walking scout, Quaker-ing, hanging out at home, and spending time with my b-b-b-b-boy friend. Yep, kids after a month or so we've made it official. Mr. Narvaez is my bf. 

So, for all of you waiting with baited breath: He's 27. Ecuadorian born, Miami raised. Did undergrad in Communication and Peace Studies with a minor in Women's studies at Loyola in Chicago. Did Americorps teaching ESL in Portland and is now in Oregon Tech's Sustainable Engineering program. He wants start a green non-profit training low-income people of color in practical skills to become certified in green building techniques so that they can enter the green revolution aaaand pull themselves out of poverty. He's interned at Green for All, and Van Jones even offered him a job. But besides all that, he's a man. He's got his shit together, knows what he wants, and has like, emotional boundaries and can communicate. He makes me feel like I'm sacred and beautiful and worthwhile. He's brilliant, but can be silly and snuggles like a champ. Did I mention that he's really cute? Swoon. And he's teaching me Spanish. Me gusta bailar!

So, other than being crazy busy with work and totally falling for a great guy, I'm planning the most epic of all epic road trips. It includes visiting all people and places I've neglected in recent months/years as well as 2 puppetry conferences/festivals. And all in less than 2 months! The itinerary has been through many phases and is by no means complete but as of now, I'll be driving Dave's car to the cabin and then flying home. Here's what I've got so far:

Leaving in early June take a couple of days to get to Yellowstone. Spend a couple of days exploring Yellowstone and Grand Teton national parks. Pull the long haul across South Dakota and Iowa. Enter Illinois from the south, visiting James and Erica Wagoner (hs drama teacher and wife). Then into Chicago to visit Meghan from B&P as well as Joe's friends if he comes with. Then across to Waterbury Connecticut for the O'neil Puppetry Conference (June 13-21). Then up to Vermont so that Joe can visit UVM (for the other master's program he's interested in) and over for a day or so at Bread and Puppet in Glover. From there down to NJ to visit Linda. Hop on the train for a couple of days in NYC to visit LJ+Dave as well as college/hs friends (Buck, Betsy, etc.) Then down the east coast stopping for a couple of days at the cabin (and meeting up with Helen in NC?) before continuing onto Athens (Megan Louise, Lauren, Matt Weeks, etc.) then Atlanta (Nina, Gaelyn, Pops, GA Grands parents, etc.). Then there's the National Puppet fest in Atlanta July 14-19. After that I'll drop the car at the cabin and somehow make it back to Atlanta to fly to Austin (visiting with the Hollingsworth clan/checking out cool places to maybe potentially perhaps live someday), and flying back to Portland sometime in Late July. Phew!

That is all. My life is happy and full and moving forward at the speed of light. Hope to see you this summer!

a poem I wrote on new year's

I can feel the inside of my skin

dark and slimy wet velvet

opaque and shiny

it absorbs

digests

erases

my organs shine like mirrors

reflecting themselves into infinity

sparkling in the darkness

cold, and hard, and hollow.

I fit together like a puzzle,

nesting inside myself,

tongue and groove.

you'd never know by looking at me,

but if you pull my string,

I'll smile and hum

you'd never know

I've got diamonds in my toes.

yeah, yeah, I'm not dead on the side of the road

Again, as my life gets more awesome, my internet presence declines. I am not at all convinced that this is a bad thing.

I made it home from Olympia safe and sound. Spent a couple of weeks in the office doing a whole lot of nothing (I get cranky when I'm bored), but got to go out on the road again this week and do some shows. Finally got to catch up with Taryn and hear about Palestine. She also hooked us up with couches in Seattle and came and saw our show and helped us pack the van. Quite excellent. We also got to crash with my beloved roomie Anna's folks out in the boonies of Vaughn, Wa. It is absolutely beautiful country up there, and it was so relaxing and rejuvenating to spend a whole 24 hours in their crooked yellow house that is bursting at the seams with art, good food, love, and color. Her mother, Britta, is an artist who is loud and speaks very quickly, so I felt right at home.  She is also extremely kind and nurturing. The perfect hostess! I slept for 11 glorious hours (which I desperately needed), and left feeling inspired and relaxed. It just so happens that we'll be back in Vaughn this coming weekend, which I am quite excited about if only to hang out with Anna's folks once more. 

Also in work-land, I'm learning a new show to do at libraries around Portland Saturdays in February. It's called Who's in Hare's House? and is based on the West African folk tales about Sangura the hare, who just so happens to be the trickster who evolved into Brer Rabbit on this side of the Atlantic. Also, I've gotten the script for the show we'll be doing in town in April. It's called The Fabulous Bear and is a Polish story. I'm thrilled because the puppets are super light, and my only parts are that as  a narrator figure (just a brief introduction), and then later ... wait for it... a puppy! So most of my lines consist of, "Woof!" "Grrrrr!" "Arf!" THRILLED!

Aaaaaaand, I've started dating a fella who is pretty darn swell. It's still early, but he brings me flowers, showers me with affection, is terribly smart, and cooks a mean plantain. I'm a lucky lady.

it's the end of the world

I'm stuck in Olympia, Wa due to flooding and avalanches. I kid you not, flooding and avalanches. What's next? Locusts?

Thankfully I happened to bring two books and a knitting project on our supposed-to-be-a-one-night-trip, and Jon brought his ukelele.

Here's to Law and Order marathons kids!

___________ getting married

I just saw Rachel Getting Married (mom- you'll be proud to know I snuck in a bag of popcorn pretending to be fat/pregnant; sigh. the things you taught me!) It is shot in this really voyeuristic way using almost exclusively hand held shots and diagetic music. It very vividly and candidly illustrates how complicated, fucked up, beautiful, sad, and totally worth it it is to be a part of a family. To invest in people who don't always seem worth investing in. 

It made me miss Laura Jean and Dave. It made me want my mom to live closer to me. It made me want to call my dad. 

All in all, a rather productive evening, I'd say. 

aw geez.

Here I go again not posting for weeks and weeks, leaving myself with a whole lot to post about. But! today is my catch-up-on-things-I've-been-meaning-to-do day and gosh darn it I will try!

So, let's see....

Snow in Portland was awesome and magical for about a day and then turned into a giant pain, because apparently this city knows less than Atlanta about dealing with winter weather. The week before Christmas Jon and I did about half the shows we were scheduled to do because of school closings. Thankfully we didn't get stranded anywhere, but we are both now a LOT more experienced winter weather drivers! 

Apparently this kind of sustained snow is rare up here. It snowed on and off for a week, and then the Saturday before I was supposed to leave for Alaska, we got a good foot and a half, maybe two feet of snow. This put a bit of a damper on my plans for finishing up Christmas shopping, but I made due. LJ+Dave almost got stuck at SeaTac on their way to AK, but finally made it out on the last flight of the night (before they ran out of de-icer). 

Monday morning brought with it even more snow and a small panic attack on my behalf. I was supposed to fly out at 10:30, and around 7:30 my ride said they didn't feel comfortable driving on the un-plowed roads, so I put on my long-underwear, jeans, and waterproof pants, 2 pairs of socks, mittens, hat, shirt, sweater, coat, and hat, donned my pack and trekked down Belmont to the bus. I thought I had hit the lottery when it arrived just as I did, but I realized after about 3 stops that I was going the wrong way and had to get off and wait 20 minutes for another going the opposite direction. 

It was cold, but I was determined. 

Also, since the switches on the MAX were frozen, I was having to take a bus to north middle of nowhere portland and wait for a shuttle to the airport. When the bus finally came it was driving with only one chain because all the others were broken. Awesome! After about 45 minutes we finally got to my stop, and then I had to trek about a quarter of a mile to the shuttle stop. There I was met with a line of about a 100 people also waiting for the shuttle. Waited in line... In the cold... Tried cracking jokes with my fellow que-ers... Finally a shuttle! but not enough room so had to wait for the next one... Did I mention the wind? 

So finally I got on the following shuttle and about half-way to the airport, mom calls to tell me my flight has been officially cancelled. Okay! Did I mention I was determined? Early on (after I had a minor break down when I realized I was riding the wrong bus) I made the decision to take each leg of the journey as it came to me and be happy and optimistic and kind to those I encountered. And guess what? It actually worked! By the time I finally actually arrived at the airport a full 2 and a half hours after I'd left my house (usually a 20 minute drive) I felt like Rocky at the top of those steps in Philadelphia. I had made it! 

Then I joined another line. 

This one of Alaska Air passengers trying desperately to get out of town. The line stretched all the way back to security and doubled back. I told mom I was willing to wait 2 days for a flight, but after that I would go home. It was a zoo. There were people everywhere, sleeping, demanding, but mostly just waiting. While I was in line (about an hour) mom called and said that her boss (an Alaska Air Gold member) had called the airline and said that I was her niece and gotten me the last seat on the last flight out of PDX and the same out of SeaTac! 

Sweet Jesus! 

So then, I got to actually check in, and get through security. It was totally strange though because the gates were remarkably quiet, and deserted compared to the ticketing area. Also, neither of my flights were full, which I couldn't understand for the life of me, but was just thankful to be on them! 

So! Christmas in Alaska! LJ+Dave and I drove to Seward my first day in town and went to the Sea Life Center there, and then had tasty fish and chips at a local diner. We saw moose and an bald eagle! Then LJ drove us back to Anchorage in a blizzard. She was our chauffeur the entire trip (because of the rental car insurance bs) and did great! Wednesday was Christmas Eve, and we spent the whole day watching  Mad Men while mom was at work. Dave had gotten it (Mom did this present-a-day thing which was fun) and we all got hooked. Then when mom got off work, we went sledding! Super fun. Afterward we went to look at Christmas lights, and they were like no Christmas lights I had ever seen! The two houses that we went to each were transmitting a radio signal of Christmas music. Festive, right? But! They had also rigged some kind of program to make the lights dance and blink along with the music. It was like a Christmas light version of the visualizer in iTunes! Quite impressive. Then LJ+Dave and I staged a coup. Mom had planned to take us hunting for Northern Lights, but we just wanted a quiet night in. So I made dinner, Dave cleaned the kitchen and built a fire, and we watched It's a Wonderful Life, which is basically my idea of a perfect Christmas eve. 

Christmas day we did the whole Christmas morning thing, and then ate tasty food. Bryon Harrington (son of one of momma's good friends) is stationed in Anchroage for the airforce and joined us for lunch. Then we got on the road and drove up to Talkeetna (teeny enclave of Alaska liberals. Town Northern Exposure was based on). We stayed at the Roadhouse there and saw a local production of a very funny sketch comedy show about the holidays called Home for the Hostilities. After a couple of beers with the locals at the Fairview Inn we all turned in to get ready for our adventures the next day. 

DOG SLEDDING! That's right, we went dog sledding with a real Ididarod competitor. It was just about the coolest thing I have ever done. The weather was stunning, clear with fresh snow on the ground and trees, and the doggies were so excited and happy! It was amazing in the fullest sense of the word. 

LJ and Dave that night at midnight and I spent the weekend hibernating with mom. Reading, movie watching, and eating tasty food. It was really nice to end on a relaxing note. 

I flew back Monday morning with no hitches, and have been back at work. I cleaned and organized the office for two days! I think it was the first time some of the people at work had seen my OCD, and I think they were both amazed and slightly intimidated. 

New Year's started with a fancy dinner at home provided by my illustrious room mate, Anna. Then I headed over to Goose and Amy's for board games. It was a nice low key way to ring in 2009. 

2008 was one of my best years in recent memory, and I've got a suspicion that 2009 is gonna just keep getting better. 

This year I make three resolutions:

1) To see my friends that don't live in Portland. It's been almost two years since I've seen some of you, and take note, you are on my list!

2) To finally build MY puppet show. This is something I've been talking about for a while. I'm gonna make it happen.

3) To focus. Sometimes I have a hard time getting things done because I want to do everything. I want to learn how to focus on the things that are important to me. 

Alright, that's it kids. For those of you who have made it thus far, I salute you! You are a trooper and I appreciate your patience. 

Love and blessings in this new year to all!